Cursed (Book 2 of the Outcast Quartet) Is Cancelled

Chapter 6 (Spiritpaw)

I jerked awake, my heartbeat thrumming wildly in my throat as I struggled to calm myself down. Rising to shaky paws, I stumbled out from under the outcrop we now sheltered under and forced myself to take calm, steadying breaths. Glancing over my shoulder I frowned in disgust, how could they just act like nothing happened? So many died by our claws, but my Clan just shrugged it off like it was nothing. “Monsters, that’s what they are,” I murmured darkly under my breath and I narrowed my eyes as I took in the sky that teetered between night and day.

            Even though we had moved from the small cluster of trees to the rock protrusions, the scent of blood and death still haunted me. I could vividly remember the face of that rogue, of the horrified expression in his eyes as I delivered the killing blow. I clenched my teeth as guilt churned wildly through me, why had I murdered him? Admit it, deep down you enjoyed his suffering. The thought, unbidden, flitted into my mind and I let out a strangled growl as I shoved the notion back down into the depths of my mind.

            “Spiritpaw,” I jerked recognizing the cold voice to be none other than Nightfrost. I slowly turned to face him, and as I stared at my calm, sleak-furred leader an image popped into my mind. One of him with wild crazed eyes, his fur ruffled and blood as he laughed while tearing his claws through some innocent rogue. “You did well.”

            When I didn’t respond he lashed his tail in slight annoyance and add coldly. “Spiritpaw, bury your guilt. You are a part of this Clan and as such, I expect you to become a monster.”

            “I-I can’t,” I whispered, I just can’t become like that. I refuse to!

            “You can,” Nightfrost rose to his full height and glared down threatingly at me. “And you will.”

            I shrank back and my ears flattened fearfully against my skull, but I refused to respond. With an agitated sigh, my black furred leader turned and stalked off. He paused at the entrance to the area under the outcrop and turned back to face me. “When you can no longer carry the burden, tell me.”

            “When it’s too much of a burden,” I murmured thoughtfully once Nightfrost had moved out of hearing range, how long could I keep it up? As long as I lived in this Clan that thrived off of others suffering, I would never make it very far. No! I can’t let these kind of thoughts drag me down, that’s what Nightfrost wants. I need to stay strong and one day I’ll be able to change the Clan, but that would never happen if I obediently became a cruel killer like the others. Soon after I heard the sounds of others awakening, it seemed that we would be setting off soon.

            “Spiritpaw, don’t tell me you were up all night,” I was joined by Orangepaw, her blue gaze wide with concern as she peered into my eyes. “You need to rest or you’ll never make it on this journey.”

            “I tried but…” whenever I closed my eyes the vivid image of the cat I killed, of his horrified expression as I delivered the ending blow, kept popping into my mind. “Orangepaw you have no idea what it’s like to take another’s life. You don’t know how painful it is to live with the memory…” and of the thrill that comes when you hold another’s life in your paws. My breath caught in my throat and I shook my head, no I refuse to think like that.

            “You’re right, I don’t know what’s like, but… I’m your friend and as such, I will help you carry your burdens,” Orangepaw smiled sadly at me, and I widened my eyes in surprise. “That is what friends are for, after all. So Spiritpaw, if you ever need to talk to someone I’ll gladly listen.”

            “Orangepaw, I’m scared that… that I’ll become a monster,” the words came out as a soft whisper and I flinched inwardly as they continued to spill out unbidden by be. “When I killed Hailfall and that rogue from before I felt appalled but now that I think about it… deep down I enjoyed it… I enjoyed their horror as I…” I stopped, finally gaining control of my mouth, and sat there hunched and shaking.

            “Spiritpaw don’t worry, you’re a good cat and I know that will never change,” Orangepaw comfortingly licked my ear before rubbing her head gently against me. “I’ll always be here for you, and I’ll always care for you.”

            We sat like this, with her head resting against my shoulder, before a loud ah-hmm came from behind. “Oh did I just interrupt something,” with my heart fluttering in embarrassment, I pulled away from Orangepaw and turned to face Sharppaw. “Didn’t realize you two were having a moment there.”

            “We weren’t having a moment!” Orangepaw, her fur fluffed out in discomfort, exclaimed and she glared coldly at her brother.

            “Riiiiight,” Sharppaw rolled his eyes which earned him another sharp glare from Orangepaw. With a humph she stalked past my brown striped friend, her tail flicking crossly across his muzzle, before disappearing under the outcrop. Padding over to me, Sharppaw gave me a slight smile. “Don’t worry, I fully support your relationship with Orangepaw.”

            “It’s not like that, we’re just friends,” I shuffled my paws as Sharppaw gave me a scrutinizing look.

            “Yeah whatever you say,” he shrugged nonchalantly and I was pretty sure my friend didn’t believe a single word I just said. “Anyways Nightfrost is gathering the Clan together so we’ll be leaving shortly.”

            Sure enough, soon after we left. But even as we, physically, put distance between us and the horrors that had taken place, emotionally they clung to me like an unwanted disease.