Seeing You

Hold onto me

"Mac," I began to walk towards him but Gabe slid his arm around my waist and pulled me close to his side. I glanced at him and saw that he was looking at Mac with a levelled gaze. He seemed cool and collected. I, on the other hand, was fairly close to puking on my shoes. Mac looked like he was going to Hulk out on us both. 

Mac was still standing at the gate that led into Nan's garden. His blue eyes were staring at me, full of rage. His jaw was clenched along with his fists and I flinched at the memory of him shouting at me at the cottage. He had been angry then, this looked worse. 

A soft breeze blew past us and I could smell the lavender and wild garlic that grew around us. It should have relaxed me, it reminded me of Nan but I felt my stomach churn in fear. 

"Hi Mac, what are you doing here?" Gabe asked.

Mac spluttered, "What the hell are you doing with her? Get off my girlfriend, Gabe, before I make you."

"Uh..hang on, Mac, we are.."I began, indignant at his assumption that I was still his girlfriend and that he thought I would let Gabe do anything to me that I didn't want him to do. 

"She's not your girlfriend anymore," Gabe replied calmly. His thumb stroked my waist softly in a reassuring manner. 

"Is that what she told you?" Mac scoffed. "Mate, she's crazy. She doesn't know her arse from her elbow these days. Let me do you a favour and take her off your hands. You don't need her brand of crazy."

My stomach dropped at his words, why was he saying these things? I glanced up at Gabe, trying to gauge his reaction but he continued to look at Mac in the same manner as before. 

"I don't need any favours from you, mate, and judging by your opinion on Pete, she doesn't need anything from you either. So, unless you want to start something that we both know you won't win, I suggest getting away from the gate and heading home. We've got work to do in the garden."

Gabe didn't move, he just watched Mac closely. I felt a thick tension settle between us. 

Mac frowned and began to take a step forward then stopped. His eyes flickered onto me and his lips curled into a sneer. 

"Really, Pete? You're going back to him? After everything he's done to you, again and again? Don't you have any self worth? Fuck, Nan would be so disappointed in you."

My eyes filled with tears and then, suddenly Mac was on the ground, blood trickling from his nose. Gabe had moved like lightning and was standing over him, fists clenched. 

"You bastard!" Mac roared and tried to clamber back up into a standing position. Gabe grabbed the collar of his t-shirt and pulled him close.

"Don't you ever, ever fucking talk like that about Pete. Now, get your pathetic arse off the ground and get off John's property, you utter shitbag." Gabe pushed him away back into the dirt. 

Mac threw him a look full of hatred and glanced at me, eyes almost black with anger. He stood up and left, as quickly as he'd arrived. 

I felt my heart thud rapidly in my chest and I stumbled towards a bench that was tucked underneath the apple groves that grew to the left of Nan's herb garden. 

"Pete, are you ok?" Gabe sat next to me, wrapped his arm and pulled me in close. 

"I don't know what to say. I can't believe what Mac said,"I whispered, staring at the plants below us. 

"Don't believe it, Pete. It wasn't true. None of it was true," Gabe kissed my temple gently.

I turned and looked at him, trying to push down the words that Mac had uttered. I didn't want to believe what he said but  I felt them burrow into my head and mix up with the thoughts that were already there.

Disappointment.

Waste of space.

Worthless. 

"Pete, don't do it. Listen to me. Don't let them affect you," Gabe said, as if he was reading my mind. His grey eyes stared at me, full of concern. 

In spite of the altercation, I felt my mouth twitch into a smile.

"What is it?"

I reached out and wiped the mud off of Gabe's face gently, he closed his eyes at my touch. 

"You called me Pete," I said.

Gabe's eyes flew open and he frowned, "Ah, I'm sorry. I didn't..."

"It's ok, Gabe. I want you to call me that. You need to understand something though, I don't want you to take Mac's words on board but he's right. I am a mess. I don't know what I'm meant to be doing. If I didn't have my work, I wouldn't have any other things to hold onto. I don't feel like me anymore. I can't bear this."

I rested my head onto his shoulder and felt the tears run down my cheeks. 

"Pete. Pete, look at me. Please," Gabe's hand tilted my chin upwards so that I was facing him. I tried to move away but he held onto me firmly. His thumb ran along my jaw line, prickles radiating down in my chest.

He leaned forward and kissed the tears off my face. 

"Hold onto me, Pete. Hold onto me."