Fury and Flame | 3

4 | 9

G I G I

I hated it here.

The ONNT soldiers had been tracking us ever since our first encounter, pushing us further north. We were ahead of them, but not far enough to be out of danger; we could never stop for too long before they caught up.

They were narrowing in on us now, forcing us into a very small area to be able to avoid them, and they couldn't have picked a worse place to push us into.

The town of my mother's resting place.

I felt sick just being here and remembering the day they lowered her into the ground. That day...I'd broken down before a hundred people. In hindsight, I wondered if that was when I finally stopped fighting back the darkness inside me.

"You don't look so good," Neve said suddenly. "Are you okay?"

"No," I rasped, shaking my head. "No." That was the first time I'd ever admitted it to myself.

The air was quiet as we hurried together down the sidewalk. Then: "You know you can tell me what it is."

      I debated it for a moment. "My mother...she's buried here."

      Neve's gaze was on me still, but I couldn't tear my eyes from the ground. I didn't want to see the expression on her face—I didn't want pity or concern.

      Well, maybe deep down, I did. Maybe I needed someone to tell me I wasn't crazy for still feeling this so deeply. Maybe I needed someone to tell me it was allowed to not be stone-cold all the time. I just needed someone other then myself, for once.

      I wasn't expecting the response she gave: "I think you should go see her."

      Dread boiled up. My answer was swift. "No—I can't—"

      "Yes, you can," she said, gentle but firm. "Before, you might have been too unstable to do it. But now you've regained control over yourself. I think you need closure now."

      "How can I?" I whispered, the sound almost getting lost in the mid-morning breeze. "How can I face her?"

      "With regret and sorrow. And a willingness to change."

      I knew exactly where the graveyard was—it was burned into my shattered mind. Before Benton and I broke out of the ONNT cells, it was all I thought of. As if of their own accord, my feet brought me to the cast-iron gate.

I found myself going to her grave, hating myself for it every step of the way. The closer I got, I feared I shouldn't have listened to Neve—I should have stayed away and let myself burn in regret.

What would my mother say if she knew what I'd done to myself—how I'd utterly destroyed the person I was in the name of vengeance? Would she be disgusted, face twisted in shame? Or would she yell at me, angry? I secretly hoped it would be the latter, knowing my insanity disgusted myself enough for the two of us.

Neve hung a few paces back from the grave as I dropped to my knees before it. I couldn't even look at her name written on the gravestone. What was there to say for myself?

Regret and sorrow. And a willingness to change...

I told her everything. All the horrible things I'd done, my bloodthirstiness and desire to inflict pain, hung in the brisk air.

"I wasn't supposed to be like this," I whispered, half-feeling like I was talking to her voice in my head again. "The way I turned out wasn't your fault. I'm just...wrong. You were only wrong about that one thing—that I am crazy. After all of this, I let myself be insane. And I'm sorry for it."