Feeling Something

Chapter 1

TW ⚠️ Self harm, suicide, depression.

Okay, so this is something completely different to anything I've published and honestly I'm absolutely terrified to post it. It's something very close to my heart. I have an idea for the story but depending on the feedback I get I'll decide whether to carry it on or not.

I'm not gonna say too much about the story because I don't want to spoil things but what I will say is that this story focuses on abuse and mental health which is something that I struggle with and I'm sure a lot of other people do as well. So what better way than to channel all that into my writing? Anyway, here's the first chapter, I hope you like it!
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Reader's POV:

You silently cried yourself to sleep, which had become routine for you since.. well since you could remember. It was your time to just let it all out. God, it was exhausting, the façade you were putting on day in day out. Pretending like everything was ok, you were a good little actress; you had everyone fooled. Well, why wouldn't you? The smile on your face told everyone you were doing just fine, but the cuts and bruises that lay hidden from prying eyes, underneath your clothes told a different story. When people asked how you were, you replied; "Yeah, I'm good." Let's be real for a second, nobody actually cared how you were doing. They were just being polite.

You couldn't escape the overwhelming feeling that coursed through your body, especially at night. Oh, the nights were the worst. During the day you had somewhat of a distraction. Did the thoughts disappear completely? No. But, you were surrounded by people which helped keep the sinister thoughts at bay. You weren't going to act on them in front of all your class mates, were you? Of course not, you were depressed not stupid.

You couldn't hide from your thoughts; no matter how hard you tried. Would anyone really care if I was gone? Nobody cared you were alive, why would they care if you died? Everyone dies eventually, right? Why not just get it over with. What's the point of living if the outcome is always going to be death? We basically live, to die. Ironic right? No point in prolonging the inevitable. The only question is, how would you go? A box of pills? A noose? A razor blade? So many choices.

You pulled back the covers, stepping out of bed; the cold air hitting you like a freight train. You quietly tiptoed to the bathroom, but not without checking in on your mum first. Her bed was empty, like most nights. Maybe tonight that was a good thing, at least you wouldn't have to endure her abuse when she finally rocked up drunk. You stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind you. For a moment you just stood there, staring at yourself in the mirror. Face puffy and red from crying, cheeks soaked with tears, and your eyes.. well you hated your eyes. Your mum used to say you had your dads eyes, which wasn't a good thing apparently. Maybe that's why she despised you. Because you reminded her of someone she'd rather forget. Anyway you didn't have to worry about that now, and as you picked up the razor blade, neither did she.

It wasn't like you'd seen on tv or read about online. Your whole body was numb, you felt like you were going to pass out. Must be working then. You watched as blood gushed out from your wrists, pooling around you before your body became limp and your head hit the floor with a loud thud. As you lay there, motionless, waiting for sleep to overtake you, you couldn't help but think about your mum and how mad she would be that you were messing up her perfectly white bathroom. She was always mad at you for something, and the bruises that marked your skin, was evidence of her anger. A single tear slid down your cheek at the thought of your mum. What did I ever do for her to hate me so much?

You felt yourself getting sleepier by the second. You couldn't hold your eyes open anymore. You welcomed sleep as it finally overpowered you, embracing that unfamiliar feeling. You were finally at peace.

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Please let me know your thoughts, this isn't the final draft, I may add bits every now and then but I wanted to see what you guys thought.

I also just want to say that if anyone is reading this who is struggling with mental health, feel free to message me whenever you want. I know what it's like to feel so alone, so please if you do need to talk to someone, I'm here. 
~T ♡~