I ran upstairs, Ashton yelling at all three of us for making his floors sticky.
I grabbed clothes, locking myself in my bathroom, immediately stripping out of the sticky clothing.
I quickly showered and washed my hair, getting straight into ripped jeans and a plain blue t shirt.
I brushed my hair out before slipping on socks and walking into my incomplete bedroom, seeing Mali.
We hugged for the second time, herself pulling away, holding my face
"We have so much catching up to do."
I let her braid my hair, sitting on the floor as she sat in my vanity chair, slowly braiding my wet hair.
"How's online school?" She asked me slowly.
"It's good, I have all A's" I mumbled to her.
"My smart girl" she spoke and I could hear the smile in her voice.
"How's your music?" I asked, knowing that Mali was becoming known for her singing and social media posts.
"I think it's going good, I have a lot of new songs to show you before I release them"
We went silent, herself focusing to the braid.
"Can I ask about it?" She asked.
I was expecting it
The guys had prepared me for questions- we all knew there would be a lot of question.
"I don't talk about it much, but you can ask" I told her hesitantly.
"Are you okay?" He asked me slowly.
"Yeah" I immediately mumbled.
"Not just physically" she spoke to me.
"Mentally." She continued.
"I think so" I spoke to her again.
"I just- don't like to think or talk about it" I told her slowly.
"Understood" Mali spoke as I felt her put the rubber band around the end of her second braid, feeling her stand, moving in front of me and sitting.
"I know you don't really have any girls here" she spoke slowly.
"So between two girls" she almost whispered.
"Are you actually okay, sunshine?" She asked me.
I went silent, looking to her.
"Do I look like I'm okay?" I asked her slowly.
"You do" she mumbled, stopping me from twirling my rings.
"But I know how it feels to not be okay, but to want everyone to think that you're okay." She spoke firmly.
"I don't want you to feel that way- you shouldn't have to feel that way, but I understand that there's some things thats embarrassing to talk to guys about-" "he hurt me." I interrupted her, feeling the tears in my eyes.
I felt her hold my hands.
"Continue" she didn't force it, but she offered it.
I shook my head slowly
"It all hurt" I felt my voice crack
It felt so good to finally say something about it
"I can't get the feeling of him off me- I dream about him holding my wrists down, I dream about him pulling my skin with his teeth, I dream about just praying and screaming for someone to help me, and no one helped me Mali" she wiped my tear as soon as it fell.
I didn't tell her about how I hate myself for not locking the door
I didn't tell her that it's hard to look at myself in the mirror
I didn't tell her that he was the first man to ever touch my body the way he did- and that itself bothered me
I didn't tell her that he managed to get his hands down my shorts
I didn't say that I haven't been able to wear any of the same clothes from that night
I didn't say that I hate the thought of any man touching me near my chest, my neck, my back, my hips or my butt.
I didn't tell her that I'm holding so much inside every single day
But I so badly wanted to fall into her lap and sob
I wanted to tell her that I hated myself and that I handled the whole situation stupidly
I should've told my dad
I should've locked the door
I should've looked when I heard the door first open,
I wanted to tell her that I miss who I used to be
I miss not being looked at with pity
I miss the guys stressing over my homework and grades, not stressing over whether I woke up in a good mood and ate breakfast or not,
I didn't tell her that I so badly want to sit my dad down and pour my heart out to him about every single thing that, that man did to me
But I could not make myself tell my father that I was confident that a man was going to rape me
I couldn't tell him anything.
"Sky?" Her voice brought me out of my head- and I just noticed Cal had joined us in sitting on the floor.
"Sorry" I immediately let myself smile, looking to Calum.
He didn't smile.
"You okay?" He asked me slowly.
"Yes." I told him firmly.
"Let us talk" Mali mumbled to him, knowing that I needed to talk.
"Mali" Calum spoke slowly, taking my hand from her and I felt his fingers go to find my pulse
"She spaces out in thought before she has an anxiety attack- I'm trying to make sure we don't have to go through that."
