Affair Of The Heart

*^*^*Chapter One*^*^*

markhyucksAss

Today, today is a new day.

A new start, fresh, exciting.

But why do I feel like nothing can take away the pain that stays in my heart constantly? I’ve said I moved on. I tell myself everyday that im strong and I love myself but, for some reason, the haunting memories keep coming back.

I have my friends. I’m not lonely, at least i show others that I’m not. But, deep down, inside me. I know that I miss something, well, someone. 

It’s hard when you can’t have a normal life since now all your surrounded by is flashing lights and judgmental people. I smile and wave, try not to show that the words that they say to me hurt. Because if you show that it hurts, they go harder and they know exactly what will hurt you. 

But that's what happens when your an idol and get caught dating another idol, then rumors spread and people say horrible things. It gets to you, both of you. I just wish that he wasn't so harsh when everything happened.

Don't get me wrong, we both had faults during that time in our relationship. I mean, who wouldn't? 

I still love him, but not as how i used to. But that's another thing i like to tell myself. 

I like to think that if I keep telling myself these things ill finally believe them. 

But it doesn't work.

Today i'm leaving MixLovez since my contract with JYP is over with I have to leave the group, the other girls are staying and currently there is a girl going through training, I heard she's been in training for 3 years. She's going to be good, hopefully not better than me, he would sometimes say that, that others are always better than me.

But then there were those times when he was probably the most sweetest person to me. Telling me that I'm beautiful, I'm special, that I mean everything to him. 

But why would he leave me just like that if I was so special?

Why would I feel so down all the time?

My manager is helping me find another group or a solo gig for me. The only company's looking for female singers are BigHit and YG, I don't really know what I want anymore. If I want to stay an idol or try to go back to a normal life.

"Haewon you have a meeting with your mother at 12:00pm, a business opportunity meeting with JYP at 3:00pm and a meeting with BigHit Entertainment tomorrow at 5:00pm" my manager tells me while my assistant hands me my Starbucks Carmel mocha. "Can you set up a nail appointment? I need to get them re-done" I ask standing up from my coffee table to get changed into some clothes that my wardrobe stylist will give me. 

"Meeting with your mom huh?" He asks, everyone had been trying to make my spirits up since the breakup but so far, I feel nothing. "Yes, it should be very" I don't have a very loving relationship with my mom, it's more like she's my boss and decides what I do for every thing I do. Wither it be my career or love life. "Exciting" I breath out already dreading seeing her but put on a smile. 

Just breath, smile and repeat.

After I get into the clothes my hair and makeup is done.

Everything is planned, what I'm going to eat, how I'll look, what I should say to the paparazzi. I'm just a living, breathing robot.

I walk to my elevator with my manager and assistant on either side of me. "We should be there in about 30 minutes as there should be no traffic for the roads that the driver will be driving" my manager informs me.