Aristocrat | ✓

CHAPTER SIX

After that day Lord Evenus helped me mount a horse, I felt conflicted with myself. I wasn't sure what any of the Lord's words meant. He said he'd been pulling my leg and hadn't meant any of it, but the sincerity in his eyes as he said those words to me couldn't have been something I mistook. He meant them, but in what way?

A part of me theorized it was a warning that he knew how I felt about him. The thought of that made me uneasy and had bile run up my throat as I wondered about how he felt about me. It guessed it was a mix of disgust and curiosity, but as time passed, I concluded it was none of the above. The Lord kept talking to me, and he kept sharing things with me. Nothing had effectively changed aside from us sharing that moment together.

There was another possibility, but I repressed the thought because it would cause me to hope—hope for something that would ruin both of us spiritually. I was content with my position as it was, and the Lord needed to marry and have children to further his legacy.

If the Lord saw me in that way, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

The anxiety I felt turned into a constant numbness that I couldn't rid myself of. I spent the majority of the next few weeks doing my work monotonously while praying or thinking of praying. I had lapsed on prayer since I became a resident at the Lord's castle, but like most people, I ran to God when I was desperate for consolation.

I was praying now, kneeling by my bed and mumbling in silence as I clasped my hands together in front of me. It was late at night, and I was wearing a nightgown.

I asked God for many things. For help with temptation and help with my performing my duties with clean thoughts. The flickering of the candle flame on my desk disturbed my closed eyes, but I kept praying. When I was done, I got up. I looked out of the window in my chamber, trying to gauge the time from how dark it was. Marie had gone to bed, and so had the lord, but I was still awake and waiting for the hour when it happened.

It being Lord Evenus' night terrors.

The first few times I had gone up to check on him he had been sleeping well, but one night I went a bit later he was trashing in his sleep, sweating and crying out. His face would contort in what seemed like fear, and it was not odd for him to crawl into fetal position and sob. Troy would climb into bed, licking his face and squirming. The first time I saw the Lord in that state it had broken my heart. I had taken the covers off him and had tried to calm him down by adjusting his beddings and cleaning the sweat from his forehead. It lasted for a few hours that day, and the Lord didn't seem to remember my presence the next day. I kept checking on him within that hour, and anytime I caught him in the middle of a night terror I repeated my actions from the first time.

I decided that it was late enough, and without another thought, I grabbed the lamp on my desk before leaving my room. I shut the door to my chamber behind me before wandering down the hall and walking up the stairs to the Lord's wing. The darkness was hard to see in, even with the lamp. The snowing had started again sometime last week, drowning the town in snow and covering the skies with a sheet of looming darkness. Having done this repeatedly over three fortnights made it easy for me to find my way to the Lord's bedroom door. I touched the smooth wood when I reached it, letting my fingers caress the smooth metal handle before pressing my ears on the chamber door. There was silence, but my eyes closed shut and I heaved when I heard a recognizable wail.

It was happening.

I opened my eyes, pushing the door open before stepping in. I raised the lamp in my left hand, looking over at the Lord's bed. He was still buried under the covers, but he had knocked over his pillows and I could see his head of hair and could hear him gasping for breath.