Aristocrat | ✓

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

     My wound healed, and I was soon able to walk. That didn't mean Lord Evenus didn't follow me around like a doting mother. He wouldn't let me return to my duties and made me promise to rest for a few more weeks. I had noticed that I slept through winter, because when I stepped outside for the first time in ages the snow was melting, and ice rain was drizzling.

     It was spring.

     Lord Evenus and I spent a lot of time talking—about our pasts and our future together—about the things we hoped and dreamed of. We took horses out on walks often, and it was at moments like this I found the strength to open to Lord Evenus. Lord Evenus also did a lot of talking on our walks. He would ramble on about his parents with a sad smile, and I would look at him, feeling his pain of their death by mere extension.

     Since I had found out about Sawyer's remains, he became a frequent topic of discussion. Lord Evenus spoke about him with a glint in his eyes. Sometimes he would be sad, and sometimes he would smile as he recalled a fond memory. Ever since I had that dream where Sawyer asked me to take care of Bennett, I have been a lot better about regulating my jealousy. If someone had to move on, they needed to talk through things. Letting Lord Evenus remember and talk about Sawyer was a good thing.

     At a point, I started to picture the man I had never met. The way Evenus described him gave him a god-like persona in my head. The Lord adored him and respected him, even though he was now gone.

     "I hope gushing over Sawyer at every chance I get hasn't been a problem." The lord's words brought me out of my thoughts. I blinked, tightening my grip on Bessa's reins as I looked up ahead. My heart was beating fast, and in a fraction of a minute, I had a whole seminar in my head wondering how I should go about answering Bennett.

     I was jealous. Jealousy wasn't a slight emotion though he could brush aside and pretend wasn't there, but on the other hand, I didn't feel it was a problem anymore. I'd learned to hold my tongue and bear with it.

     "I won't lie and say I've been a happy lad for all of it," I muttered, staring at the road ahead. "But I don't think you should stop doing it. It helps to talk about him, I suppose," I said, looking at the Lord from the side of my eyes. He has a frown on his face, and he looked deep in thought.

     He let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair before reaching for his reins again. "What if I never stop talking about Sawyer? What if I don't want to?"

     His words had caught me off guard. My mouth parted a bit as I tried to search for words to say, but I couldn't muster any. I licked my lips, staring at Bessa's brown mane as I thought about his words.

     What if he never stopped talking about Sawyer?

     Could I handle that?

     Unable to find an answer, I said nothing, so the ride became silent—uncomfortable, and tight with tension. I could feel my eyes pick up the sound of every sigh and hum from the Lord. He had more to say, and I would wait for him to finish before letting the confused tears whirling in my eyes flow free.

     "Manfred," Lord Evenus started, making me look over at him. I licked my lips, feeling my heart skip a bit at the look he was giving me. He looks heartbroken like he was about to relay the worst news possible to me. "I love you. You know that, right?" I frowned, looking away from him.

     "Sometimes I'm not sure..." I answered honestly, wondering why he wouldn't say what he wanted to. Did he want to send me home? Was he trying to tell me he loved me like a brother? I didn't know. I just knew the tightness in my chest was itching for me to scratch it.