OUT - A Gay Story (BoyXBoy)

Wednesday - Part 2

Waking up from falling back asleep after Logan left for school, I make my way downstairs to an empty kitchen with a note on the island that reads:

        "My mom told me to write all this so...here's the best medication to treat your allergies. Just take one or two pills and you'll be good for the day. Hope you feel better. Also, I asked my mom to take me to school so I can leave my car here at home for you just in case you feel better and decide to come to school. Logan."

I open the garage door to check if all the cars are gone indicating his parents are at work. But there is one car -- his car -- sitting all alone in the three-door garage. While I close the door I think to myself this is the perfect time to fix myself a smoothie before meeting Phoebe. I rinse out the blender just in case of any left over residue because Logan makes protein drinks quite often but never does the dishes. I grab out some fresh strawberries, blueberries, and bananas as well as a gallon of milk out of the refridgerator and mix all the ingredients together. I also add some sugar and some protein powder to look good for my man. Oh, what am I talking about? 

After washing the blender and the dishes from last night, I head back into Logan's room and begin to get ready to head over to SkyRockets. I dig through my bag of clothes and can't seem to find anything cute to wear. As I contemplate what to wear, I can't help my gaze wander over to a drawer leaning against the left side of the room. I can't prevent my urge to sneak through Logan's clothes but something is telling me I must. I quietly open the top drawer to a massive load of sloppy and wrinkled t-shirts that must have been throwned in here instead of folded. I explored all the shirts and found one that happened to be a bit oversized but comfortable. It still smelled fresh like it was just in the wash a couple days ago. I hurl the shirt onto myself not wasting a single second. I then open the next drawer to find jeans and shorts. Nothing too important for me to snoop through. I close that drawer and open the one underneath his pants. This is where my jaw nearly fell off. I can't believe I found his precious underwear. I didn't know where to start but I had to hurry to see Phoebe. I picked up a pair of typical boring boxers, but for some reason, these were amazing. Thinking that this pair of boxers have been worn by Logan got me excited. I decided to quit being a creep and closed all the drawers. Before heading out the door I spritz on a bit of Logan's cologne, grab the car keys, and drive to the diner.

"Hey Phoebe" I said nervously.

"Hi, Walt." Phoebe said with no interest in speaking. 

"How have you been?" 

"Been a lot better than right now." 

"Look, I'm sorry, Phoebe. I know words can't explain how sorry I am, but I am sorry. I feel terrible for what happened that night." I said, with my eyes beginning to water.

"Walt, I'm not mad that you basically kicked me out. I'm mad about the way you treated me and what you said." She angrily said. "I've never seen you act like that before and it hurt." 

I take a deep breath before apologizing to her once more. "I am so sorry, Phoebs. I truly am. I want us to be friends again if you want. I don't expect you to accept my apology. I just want you to know that I feel bad for how I treated you." I look her dead in the eyes. 

"We are still best friends and best friends have their ups and downs. I am upset and disappointed, but I don't hate you, Walt. I know we'll be able to get past this soon like we've done in the past before. But this situtation hurt a lot." She replied with dismay. "I don't want you to do anything else like this to me ever again, okay, Walt?"

My eyes reach hers so she knows I was deeply engaged in what she had to say. "I promise I won't. It wasn't fair for me to treat you like an extra in a movie just because of what was going on with my mom and I. I freaked out because of what I had done to my sister and my mom was all pissed at me and I made her even more angry when I came out to her." I said with sadness in my voice. "I wasn't expecting anything like that to happen and it all just went way beyond downhill."

"I understand it was extremely hard on you to come out like the way you did when all that other stuff was going on. You had every right to be enraged after the accident with Jane. And coming out to your mom like that must have been burdensome but at least you got it over with, right?"

"Yeah, but look where I am now, Phoebe. I had to run away from home for a little while, crash at the home of my best friend -- who also happens to be my biggest crush that I have had for as long as I could remember. And it is so damn hard hiding who I am from him because of his views on the topic!" I raise my voice. "God, I just wish everyone could be who they are, but no, this world is too goddamn judgmental for me to be able to be anything I want." 

Phoebe reaches her hands out to indicate me to lower my voice. "You have got to be a little more quiet, Walt. And you're right, this world is hard to be who you are in but that doesn't mean it's impossible for you to do. I guarantee you you'll feel so much better telling Logan the truth--"

I cut her off. "Oh, no. Don't give me that talk about how everything will change after I come out to him. What if I tell him I'm gay and he decides to hate me and we aren't friends anymore?"

"That's the worst-case scenario." She says. "Don't worry, I'm not telling you to come out now...just whenever you're ready." 

"Well, I'm not ready now and I won't be for a long time. Especially not for Logan. I'm gonna need a lot more time, specifically years, to think it all through about whether or not I wanna tell him. I mean, I want to, but I also think about our lives after he knows."

"Seriously? Years? Don't take a couple more years to finally tell the kid you're gay. Just think about it long and hard, and if you need help, I'll be here for you. There are also so many other people you can talk to about this. Like your therapist, Doc, right? You love Doc like a dad. I'm postive he'll help you with coping with this."

"Doc is a great guy. I guess I could see him again sometime this week and talk to him. And the only people who know about me are you and my mom. Well, she probably told my brother and sister too so I assume they know too. I don't know why it's so hard to tell my best friend, you know? I mean I always thought best friends could tell each other everything and help each other out, but I guess it's different with me and Logan." 

"Yeah, I don't know why it's difficult, but you'll get through it, Walt. You're a strong guy. I promise you you'll get past the whole 'coming out to Logan' aspect of your life. Just don't let it bring you down and eat you alive. Live your life a little, okay? I want you to be happy." She says with the grip of her hand on my shoulder while smiling. 

"Okay, thank you, Phoebe. I'm so glad we got to make up. I was so worried that you were gonna hold this against me and hate me."

"I'm happy we're good too." 

With close to two hours passed, I didn't realize that Logan should be getting home from school soon. I better hurry and get home before he does so it doesn't look like I faked being sick today. Before standing up from my seat, I face Phoebe and ask what I intentionally came to SkyRockets for an answer for. "Hey, Phoebe. Do you mind being my fake girlfriend for a couple of days?"

"Excuse me?"