OUT - A Gay Story (BoyXBoy)

Chapter 1: Monday - Part 1

I'm gay. My best friend doesn't know. If he ever found out, he would hurt me and I probably would end up in a not-so-good place. He's not very accepting of homosexuality. I would know because we've talked about it before and like the idiot I am, I just go ahead and agree with him on everything he says about it. Life is hard knowing that my best friend would not accept me for who I am and the fact that I sort of think he's attractive. That right there is the reason why I can't tell him or anyone that I think that because if he finds out, things would go terribly wrong.

My name is Walt and my best friend's name is Logan. He's literally the most attractive guy I've seen in my life. It haunts me everyday knowing I can't tell a single soul about my feelings towards him. It hurts even more knowing that he's straight and that my crush on him would never work out. I'm gonna be completely honest, I cry about it sometimes at night. I cry because I really want a guy like Logan, someone tall, tan, muscular, manly, husky, has bright blue eyes and crazy beach-blonde hair that makes me go absolutely nuts. I can't contain myself when I'm around him. Sometimes, I even get a little excited when he gives me a friendly punch on the arm.

"You know what I'm talking about when I say I get excited, right Doc?"

"Of course I do." Doc says.

Doc is my therapist. I call him Doc because I feel more comfortable calling him a doctor rather than by his real name, which I don't remember because I've been calling him Doc for several years now. About three weeks ago was the last time I saw Doc. And that was the time I told him I was gay. He's the only person I've told because I knew he had known so it wouldn't be hard to tell him. But it was.

"Start at the beginning. Before you and Logan became friends. How was your life before you two met? Did you know you were gay then?"

"Life before Logan and I met was ... it was interesting."

"Explain 'interesting'", Doc asks.

"I've known Logan for about two years so I guess I should start at the time before we met. At that time I barely had any friends. My only friends were Cherry, Suzie and Dakota. Cherry and Suzie were a couple, Cherry was lesbian and Suzie was bisexual. They were the cutest couple I knew and they were both so happy to be together. We hung out a lot. They didn't know I was gay yet which was sort of confusing for me because I ended up questioning them so much about how they became open about their relationship and their sexuality. I tried to gain some motivation from them (without them finding out I was gay) to see if it would help me come out."

"Did it help you in any way?" Doc looks interested in the conversation already. So I proceed.

"Of course it did...maybe not much, but it did. It inspired me to come up with various ways on how to tell someone I'm gay. I knew then that I wasn't ready to tell anyone though. I still needed a lot more time to think it all through and how I was going to announce it." The look on my face has Doc worried about me. I'm glad I'm friends with Doc because I know he cares about me. Ever since my father passed away, Doc has been like my second dad. He's great to talk to and he understands what I'm feeling. I sort of feel like Doc is my only friend nowadays. I know he's a lot older than me but age shouldn't divide the friendship of two people.

Doc sets his notepad down as he was taking notes and leans forward in his worn-out green chair getting ready to speak. He brushes his thick hair upward so it won't block his view. Truthfully, I've always liked Doc's hair. Not because I'm gay or I think he's attractive, no, but because his hair is actually pretty sexy for an older man. But whatever. I got my eyes on someone else.

"What I think you should do before we finish this session is to go home, make yourself a nice glass of warm milk, fix a plate of cookies and relax in front of the tv. Honestly. It helps relieve my clients and in your situation, I bet it'll definitely make you feel less stressed. Then afterwards you can take a long nap to ease your mind." Doc explains.

"Thanks, Doc. You always know what to do." He smiles then leans back in his chair, crosses his right leg over his left then tells me to continue my story.

"Two years ago, I didn't want to admit I was gay but I had to. I knew for awhile that I liked guys a lot more rather than girls. Guys just have that certain feature I'm so attracted to but I can't really lay my finger on what it is." Doc looks slightly confused. I try to get to the point. "What I'm saying is that I'm attracted to the male body and what it offers. I get so aroused just thinking about it. I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable for you, Doc."

"It's fine. Go right ahead."

"I don't know how long I've known I was gay but it's been hell of a long time. And it's been a hell of a struggle." I go on rambling about my life for an extra fourteen minutes not noticing that our session has already ended. I was so focused on the clock that my vision became a huge blur and I didn't even realize I was staring right at it.

"Well Walt, it seems you've grown much more mature than last time I saw you. I understand your fight to be who you are and I am in support of you one hundred percent. It was very very good to see you again and I hope you take my advice and take time to relax. You need it, for sure." As I walk out Doc's office door, he watches me exit the room with a smile on his face. I knew Doc would be understanding. He's the best guy to talk to.

I walk out of the building onto the main sidewalk. It's a hot, scorching Spring day. The sun is blazing, the sky is bright baby blue and the Spring air smells wonderful. It's a Monday so I better go home and start on my homework. Ring ring. I feel my phone in my rear-end pocket vibrating. Ring ring. I'm slow to take it out because of the heavy backpack I'm carrying after I walked to Doc's place when school ended. Ring ring. I place my backpack on the ground then reach my hand in my pocket to grab my phone. Ring ring. One more ring then my phone will stop alerting me of the call. I don't understand why I'm such a slow poke taking out my phone. I look at the screen.

It's Logan.