Solangelo Winter Oneshots

1. Leaving for Good

It's Christmas Day.

Will is still alseep in Nico's lap, the warmth of the boy's body trailing through Nico's legs. It's all too familiar.

The smell of smoke still lingers in the fireplace, the final embers flickering until they die. Last night's dinner plates remain on the table.

Silver light seeps through the curtains and paints a path on the floor. It's early.

Nico assumes it's snowing out. The temperature has probably dropped and all Nico wants is it stay here with Will. Will would keep him warm. He'd hold Nico in his arms and Nico would rest his cheek against Will's chest until they fall asleep. They would listen to each other's soft words and steady breathing. Their slowing heartbeats.

Christmas Eve, the two boys stayed up later than usual, talking to the point where the words didn't matter anymore. Just the sound of their voices laced with sleep was enough to keep them away a little longer. Nico's hands were still tangled in Will's hair when they finally fell alseep on the couch.

Refusing to look at Will, Nico lets himself drift off again. He thinks about the secret moments they've shared with each other. There are many of those. The moments that are not secret, though, happen to be minimal.

Nico has to leave before Will wakes up. Soaking up every last ounce of heat, a dragging feeling pulls at his chest. He realizes how much he loves the warmth transferring from one body to the other, until they become one body.

In public, Nico and Will try not to get too close. They try not to stare too long, smile too long, touch too long. Simple things could give them away.

Sometimes Will would get sick of hiding and would sit next to Nico during lunch. No one could tell when they squeezed each other's knees under the table or passed side glances. Once in a while they could even get away with holding hands. No one would notice.

Being careful meant saving any form of affection for home. And even that was dangerous. What if people knew Nico was with Will? Wouldn't they get suspicious since the two never talked in public? But the temporary safeness of each other's homes had been enough. Alone, they could share kisses and smiles and I love you's.

Nico wants to love Will forever. Will wants the same. But hidden love can't last forever and their forever is already sealing.

Running out of time, Nico finds strength to ease Will's head off his lap, careful not to wake him up. Nico's heart starts to flit as the weight and warmth leaves his legs.

He rests the boy's head on the couch, leaving just enough room to slip away. Standing, Nico allows some of the blood to return to his limbs. It's going to be a long day.

Quietly, Nico moves to the kitchen, taking his plate off the table. The only sign that he's been here. He places it into the sink.

Nothing else in the house proves Nico had a connection with Will. No photos or notes or gifts. Leaving will be easy.

Everything seems to be moving too fast, but Nico keeps moving. Returning to the couch, he spreads one of the two blankets on Will and then folds the other. He picks up his coat off the floor.

That's it. Nico has erased himself from Will's home.

The only thing left is Nico himself.

No one should be able to erase a person so easily. Love can't be erased. Bent, broken, shattered, molded, lost, but never erased.

Nico knows Will might not understand his Christmas gift at first. But leaving is the best option. One day, Will will be grateful that he wasn't the one who had to break the bond. He won't be the guilty one.

Nico cannot hide any longer. Love should not be hidden, and he will not be either.

This isn't Will's fault. It's both of theirs. They shouldn't have embraced a relationship that could never work.

For the last time, Nico brushes his lips against Will's. He's gentle so he doesn't wake the boy.

Nico stays for a few more moments, breathing in Will's air. He rests his forehead against Will's, closing his eyes as he takes in the impossibilities. Nico's skin should not be against Will's. He shouldn't be feeling short of breath as he savors the final minutes.

He can't help but bend down and rest his head on Will's chest. Never again will Nico be able to do this.

Although he tries hard not to, a tear trickles down the bridge of Nico's nose and onto the other boy's shirt. When Will wakes up, all he'll have is the drying tears on his shirt. Nothing to keep, nothing to remember. Another tear falls onto Will's shirt.

Nico can't do this any longer.

He does not say goodbye. He does not say I love you. He does not say anything.

Nico doesn't kiss Will again. He shouldn't be kissing Will anyway. Instead, stands up and puts his coat on.

Nico's trying to make this easy for Will.

Finding his way to the door, he fumbles with the key. The sound of the lock makes Will stir.

This never could have worked.

This time, Nico will be leaving for good.

He doesn't look back.