farewell (18+)

43. Persevere

I strode down the school hallways, heels clicking against the linoleum floor. I felt sick even though my stomach was empty. I was actually nervous to face Max, excited to see him again, but anxious about his reaction. I reached the wooden door of his classroom, peeking through the small window. He looked so good in that casual dress shirt with a slim tie I knew he must have put on just so no one could say he wasn't properly dressed. His hair was cropped now, pulled back in a sleek style, with the sides close-shaven, which made him look older and manlier. It was all so different from what I remembered, but he fit the sexy teacher fantasy so perfectly it was annoying. I could even see the awed gazes of the students trained on him as he ambled around the room with a book in his hands, reading passionately from Macbeth. My heart fluttered at the sight of him, and for a second, I actually considered to turn around and disappear like a coward, but he saw me.

Our eyes met, and his face fell. He looked back at the teens and said something before they rushed out the door. Some girls gave me curious looks. I waited until everyone was out to come in, moving slowly as if afraid of scaring him away. I probably was.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, eyes on me. I thought he wouldn't even want to look at me when the time came.

"I moved to England."

His brows shot up, but his surprise soon gave way to that bitter expression. "It's too late for that, Anna."

"I don't care. I had to come either way. If you forgive me or not, at the end of the day, I won't regret not trying."

"Look, if you think this is some kind of grand gesture that'll win me back like in the books, forget it. This is real life."

"I'm just asking for a chance to show you that I've changed. I'm not afraid anymore. I--"

"No, stop! I'm done with this, okay? All of this. Being vulnerable, getting fucked, and then trying again."

"You can't be serious."

"I have never been more serious. The way you hurt me..." He trailed off, huffing a tired breath.

My eyes watered at the thought of him losing faith; it made me hate myself, made me want to tear my heart out and offer it to him as compensation. I swallowed hard, steadying my breath. I couldn't have ruined him. This couldn't be true.

He got his phone and wallet and walked past me. "Go home, Anna. There's nothing here for you"

"This is my home now."

He stopped at the threshold but didn't look back. I took a step forward, wanting to reach out but gave up. Somehow, the moment didn't feel right.

***

"Don't give up just yet," Rodrigo said during lunch. "He'll come around, I know it."

"Yeah, yeah..." I nodded, looking away.

Of course, I hadn't expected Max to forgive me just like that, but it hurt to realize that I might have ruined him. I wanted him to be happy even if that meant I had to step away... even if his happiness lay with somebody else.

"Anna." He touched my hand from across the table. "I'm not just saying this. You have to keep trying."

"I know. I know. It's just I'm afraid I might have harmed him more than I thought. I mean, he said he's done, Rodrigo."

"Done?"

"Yeah! With everything."

"Everything what?"

"Dating! Love! He didn't say it word for word, but it was pretty clear. Oh, and his look of disappointment..."

"Anna, stop freaking out. This is one more reason to fix things. All you have to do is to persevere, sweetheart. If you give up now, you've already lost."

"I'm not giving up, okay? I'm just afraid it might be too late... for him, you know."

"It's not too late. Trust me, I know him. Besides, you've got everybody's support. You can do this. Just hang in there."

"I hope you're right." I took the last bite of my panini and got to my feet. "I have to go back to the school. Thank you for this, Rodrigo. For everything, really."

"No problem." He got up to kiss me. "Are you going to talk to him today?"

"Of course! I'll head there after work. I know he stays late every day." I reached for my wallet, but he pushed my hand away.

"Put that back. I told you it's on me."

I thanked him and hugged him, feeling a little too emotional about him paying the check, then headed back to work. Once the workday was over, I went to see max again, and not to my surprise, he rejected me. I went again the next day and the next. Wil pointed out that maybe some space would be the key to getting him back because I might be annoying him going every day, so I started to alternate days, then weeks. Before I knew it, I was caught up with work, and my visits became more sporadic, but I didn't give up. I wouldn't give up. One day I gave him a rose; they were selling it on the street. Another time, I gave him a poem, packed lunch at another. I know, I was so cheesy, but I wanted him to see that I cared even though I wasn't always there because he had always done that for me.

Eventually, his refusal started to wear me down, but I kept going. Sometimes I forgot why I was still doing this, then one day I would wake up from some dream I had about him being in good terms with me, and that would make me gloomy the whole day. Every time was my last attempt. I kept promising I wouldn't do this to myself anymore. Maybe it would be best to give up. I could go on without regrets because I had tried, and boy, how I have tried.

I marched to his work on automatic one day, not even sure of what to do next. I saw the kids leaving for recess and pushed the door in. He looked up from a stack of papers without any visible reaction.

"Come on," I said. "Just reject me one more time so I can go eat."

"You're giving up."

"I guess... No, you know what? I'm tired, stressed, and sleep-deprived because I'm scared of going to sleep and dreaming about you. But I'm not giving up. You know why? Because you're the most important thing to me right now. You're the one who took a shot at us, who always fought for our love, but now it's my turn." I tapped my chest. "I dropped everything and came to England because I realized that you were right about me."

"Anna, sto--"

"No, let me finish. I was scared, and I kept making excuses not to take us seriously, but that has changed. I came here because there's indeed nothing for me back there. My home is here because you are here. So go ahead and tell me off again. I'll keep coming back because I'm right where I belong. Now it's my turn to fight for us, and I'll be damned if I don't fix this mess I've created."

He stared at me, biting his red, fleshy lip. My heart was going at a mile a minute. He swallowed then got his keys from the desk drawer. "Okay... Let's get coffee."

"What?" I choked on the word. My body started shaking with excitement, and I couldn't hold a squeak. I stepped forward as if to hug him but stopped short.

"Now, don't go reading too much into this." He held a finger up. "It's just coffee. I wanna hear what else you have to say."

He held the door open for me, and I all but scampered through it. "I'm so going to win you back."

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