farewell (18+)

44. Home

My feet rustled in the fallen leaves of autumn as I strolled through the park with Max. We walked side by side, talking and appreciating the orange hues of the season, without touching each other; he wasn't ready. After hearing me out, he had decided to let me back into his life, but that didn't mean we were getting back together, as he so cautiously had put. For the last two months or so, we had been seeing each other and talking about our problems, slowly mending our relationship. But that remained a platonic process, and sometimes I wondered if I was ever going to have him back.

I started to get used to the idea that his friendship might have to be enough, but I couldn't stop wanting him; it was torture. Every time we'd see each other, I would look at him, so gorgeous in the afternoon light, wishing he was mine, wishing I could touch him like I used to, run my hands over his pale, naked skin, and make his body come to life with pleasure. But then I would remember I didn't have the right anymore.

He had commended me for standing up to my boss and to my mother, and he even said he was glad that I had gathered the courage to move to England. That last part he had left to interpretation. I chose to believe he was glad that I was there even as a friend.

"I like these," he said out of the blue.

"These what?" I asked, fiddling with the origami flower he had given me.

"These talks we have. They made me realize I didn't really know you before, but I'm enjoying doing it now."

"I came to the same conclusion about you." I smiled at my previous naivety. "But what about now?"

"What about now?"

"Do I know you?"

"You always have." He averted his eyes from me. "Even before you found out all of those things about me. Does that even make sense?"

"I don't know." I laughed. He did the same, and it warmed my heart.

"I guess I mean to say that, for a long time in my life, I had these walls up. Nobody really knew me, save for the people from before. But with you, I don't know, something clicked that day at Wil's party, and I just felt like relaxing around you, and being myself again. You made me brave."

I gave him a fond smile. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear that."

Max sighed, his smile fading away. "I hope you know the only reason I kept those things from you was that I was afraid you'd fall out of love for me."

"That can never happen." I touched his arm before I could catch myself. He looked down at my hand but didn't push it away this time. We had stopped walking now, but my heart was going into hummingbird mode.

"Really?" he said.

"Of course. I'm here, aren't I?"

He stared at me for a moment. "Yes, you are." He stepped closer, finger brushing my arm with a feather touch. "If I trusted you again, what would happen?"

That was the moment I had been waiting for. He finally seemed to be considering to give me another chance.

"I would spend the rest of my life earning your trust back." I brought his hand to my lips, placing a soft kiss on every knuckle. "And I would never take you for granted again."

"When you told me you had slept with him, I thought I'd lost you for good... even when you tried to win me back."

"I know this isn't the first time someone lets you down. I just don't want you to shut yourself off from love. I want you to be happy."

He scoffed. "There are other ways to be happy, Anna."

"Not when you build a wall like that. I know it because this is exactly what I've been doing, and you taught me to brave again too."

"You really care about me, don't you?"

I just nodded, kissing his fingers once again, and I buzzed from within at the thought of him letting me. His other hand came up, thumb stroking my cheek. My heart jumped from that simple, chaste contact, but I didn't move. I had to let him come to me. Max moved his body forward tentatively as if fighting a pulling force. He leaned in, holding my face in both hands. My lips parted for him, and he captured them with unprecedented tenderness. My body burned with desire, every cell screaming from the need for him and the attention he was giving me. My arms circled him, holding him tightly, and I finally believed it was happening. I was reassured that I had done the right thing, and this was where I belonged.

Suddenly, the last puzzle piece of my life fell in place, and the world made sense again. I had faced and overcome my fears, had come to terms with my reality, and made the change needed. I liked my work, my current town, and my life. Now I was in the arms of the man I loved. His kiss told me that he had forgiven me, that I had proved myself and my love to him. It felt so good to finally have the reigns of my life in my hands. I was genuinely happy after so many years.

The spark of that kiss became a blaze, consuming the oxygen around us. Our touch became rough, eager, and our kiss got intense. Soon we were breaking apart, gasping for air, but I wanted more. Our eyes met for just a second before I leaned in and took what I wanted. He responded even more promptly, searching my curves. My hand went up to the back of his head, grabbing the short locks of hair that had grown there. I thought I might have died, and that this was my heaven. Or maybe it was just a dream; I had been having those constantly.

Max pulled away again, touching my forehead with his. His hand ran up and down my back, giving me shivers. I had never felt so close to him, not even in our most intimate moments. I watched him catch his breath with his eyes closed as he felt my features and surfaces with his hands.

"Let's go home," he said.

_____

AN: Don't forget to vote, comment, and add the book to your library if you dig it. Thanks for reading!