A winters story (Mafuyu's perspective)

Winter Wonderland

It's funny how quickly your life can be ruined. In a second, all that you had can be crushed.

It's my fault. I pushed him to the edge, and left him when he needed me most. It was so selfish. 

I ran my fingers over the strings of his guitar over and over and over. 

"I want you to have this"

The look on her face crushed me. She had lost the one constant in her life and it was all my fault.She gave me the last remaining piece of her son. Over and over. My fingers stung. Over and Over. Cuts began to form.Over and over. Blood got on the strings. I set it down at my side. I stared at my hands, blood pricked at the newly formed cuts. I can still see his face. Laughing, Smiling, holding my hand. I can still smell the beach, the cold air hitting us in the face.

"I want you to remember that you came here with me first"

I stared at my slashed fingertips. What is wrong with me? Why can't I cry? 

I miss you.

Like a familiar smell can bring memories, looking at his photo sent me back.

At the funeral I stared at my hands. A fog between me and everyone around me. This isn't real, a terrible nightmare. It has to be. Please let me wake up. But nothing happened. Nothing changed. people offered their condolences but all I could muster was empty thank you's.

I found him. I found his lifeless body surrounded by alcohol, can upon can of booze. He didn't even drink. 

"Would you die for me?"

I picked up his guitar again and clutched it to my chest, pulling the strings close to the fingerboard. His voice is ringing in my ear, his smile is burned into my mind, warm summer days burn my skin. I close my eyes and squeeze the guitar.

SNAP

The guitar string breaks and flutters down to the floor. 

What have I done.