I Once Loved You

1

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” ― Lewis B. Smedes

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Have you ever given your heart to someone you thought would be your world forever?
To you he was your entire world, a place where you'd feel safe forever.
You let him become your happiness but ironically that's were you made the biggest mistake of your life...cause to him you were nothing, just a memory he wants to forget.

Funny enough, I made that mistake with the love of my life, my husband. Wait, correct that, ex husband.  Even after three years I still remember that dark day in my life....

I stare at my cell phone in shock for the fourth time today as I walk into Sadiq Company. I head directly to the reception table.

"Welcome Mrs-"

"Where's Sadiq?" I asked furious

"He's at a conference meeting. He said no disturbances but I can inform him that you were here." Joana, the receptionist said

"That's not needed Joana." I walked out on her to the conference room hearing her yell my name from behind.

He's going to be pissed off but I don't care. This is more serious. I interrupted his meeting by shutting the door loudly grabbing everyone's attention.

"Kimberly" he said.

"Zaid, what the hell is this?" I questioned him even though I could hear the murmuring going on. "I said what the hell is this?"

I got closer and showed him my phone. "What's the meaning of this Zaid? Why the hell would you say something like this publicly when you know its not true?" He stared at me, then at the people behind me. They took it as a hint to leave the room.

There was so much blankness written all over his face.

"Tell me why Zaid. What have I done to you?" He turned his back to me.

I don't think he knows how serious the issue is.If you love someone, would you go out and publicly disgrace them on national news, would spread news that you're a whore and  most importantly a gold digger. And he saw nothing wrong with it.

I was about to touch him when he spoke, "don't you dare touch me." I could hear the hatred in his voice. The man I love would never use this tone on me.

"Why?" I whispered for him to hear.

"You really want to know why?" He turned to face me. "Cause I despise you. You are nothing but a whore, going around sleeping with the clients and that wasn't enough for you. I gave you everything and how do you repay me, by stealing my money."

"What...where are you getting all this false information from Zaid? I would never"

He cut me off,"cut the bullshit Kimberly. I thought loving you was enough but I guess I'm wrong. The biggest regret of my life is ever getting married to you."

I felt the tears well up in my eyes and my lips tremble. Who is this man? " Zaid what do you keep talking about?" I was scared, frightened.

"Don't act dumb Kimberly. Did you really think I wouldn't find out. I'm done with your filthy lies."

"Lies, lies! Zaid. Tell me what lie I've ever told you. I've never lied to you! I gave you everything I had, everything I am. I sacrificed all that I had just for you and here you go telling me I'm a whore,a gold digger. I've done nothing but be a fucking faithful wife." I had tears running down my face, cause I was shocked and hurt by his words and behaviour."What happened to trust? Tell me! You know I would never give myself to anyone, you know that freaking well Zaid...so why, tell me why?"

I couldn't take it anymore, the Zaid that stood in front of me was not and definitely the Zaid I knew. The one I knew was not a heartless person, he cared about me,showered me with sweet words and love. He gave me everything and vowed to be with me and trust me forever. The Zaid I know is my world and i, his. And I know he's still in there...somewhere.

"You know what? I don't want this anymore. To be stuck in this suffocating marriage with you anymore. I'm sick and tired of everything. I want a divorce."

The tears spill more, his words pierced like a shard of glass cutting into me until it reached it destination, my heart but it didn't stop there it felt like someone twisted it deeper, taking the life out of me.

"Zaid" I whispered

He threw a stack of papers at me with the words Divorce boldly written at the top. I locked eyes with him and for a moment I thought I saw regret but it was gone. Maybe it's my mind playing games with me.

"Just sign the documents. There's clearly no love between us. Our lawyers will take care of the rest.

I blink away the tears, take the pen not because he wants me too but because they say, " love is also the will to let go."

I hand the papers to him and clean my face. I gave him one last look. I will miss him, his messy brown hair, his ocean blue eyes and that loving personality.

"This is the end of the road for us... Goodbye Zaid Sadiq." I said and walk away knowing this was the last time I'll ever lay eyes on him .