lustful presence.

day six.

"parker, stop." i mumble, watching her pace back and forth. "stop what? stop thinking about it? my fucking dad told me, jackson. you didn't bother telling me? what am i- some untrustworthy person, you told me i was so fucking trustworthy and that i was the first girl ever to like you for being someone ordinary yet a famous background!" i sigh and hold my head. "i didn't lie completely. i said i had a famous background. i just didn't add in the band part." i say, at this point begging for mercy. "i'm going to guzman's." she says, grabbing her bag. "guzman's? why?" i stand up. "we met yesterday and i left my bag in his office okay? we were sorting out my plans for the photography shoot in june and he happened to be working late hours and he offered for me to store my bag there. okay?" i nod slowly. "okay." she gave me a small sigh and leaned over, kissing my cheek. "i love you, jack." no you don't parker. you really don't. "i'll come over later?" i want you to. "it's fine, you don't need to." you need to. she nodded in disappointment. "okay." no. it's not okay. she left the room. come back. please, don't go. i'm a mess without you. i need you, parker, i love you parker. don't go. not to guzman. please i'm begging you. i just want you to myself. and if that means getting rid of guzman, so be it.

i watch the clock as my assistant helper types away. "any plans?" she asks, placing her glasses more securely on her eyes. i look at her. "oh, not really. i think i'm gonna go straight home, chill out you know?" i force a realistic smile which causes her to smile. "that's great, i'm glad you like some self reflection! we'll get along just fine." she assures me. kill me now. i nod. "definitely." i lie, letting it slip off my tongue and she turns around to continue her work. my whole head is fucked at this point. i needed parker. she had left me. all on my own in my room where i could've got up to any sort of mischief. but no. she left. she left me worried, confused, unloved. she needs a taste of her own medicine. but somehow i didn't feel like provoking her and pushing her to karma. i wanted her. she was mine. she had been mine all this time and just needed to realise it. i look at the time on my watch. shit was taking too long. i got up and walked over to the fridge of the office, grabbing myself a muffin and making myself a coffee. i checked my phone. no missed calls, missed texts, no nothing off parker. i clench my jaw and run my hands through my hair. where the fuck was she. then it hit me. guzman's. "i'll be back." i smile over at her. "ooo, okay, duty calls?" she smiles. i nod. "duty definitely does." i didn't even know her fucking name but who cares? it was the last of my problems. i grabbed my keys, walking out of the room and making my way to my car, driving over to my brother's. i wasn't ready to see parker and him but i was ready to see my brother bloody and beaten when i see him touching my girl. i walk up to his front door, before getting a text. "just got home. i'm cancelling the meet up." i can feel my blood boil even though she isn't inside. i look up. she isn't inside. he's on his own? perfect.

i watch the second hand of the clock going. my eyes are addicted, my concentration high. what am i doing with my life. i let my hand run across my chin, a small smile upon my lips as i reach over to my vodka glass. taking a few sips, i play everything out in my head. i drove over to london to see skye perform, bumped into a girl i'm now deeply in love with and can't love without, had a crazy night with her that i can only remember a quarter of, had many sexual fantasies with girls that i met when i missed parker and found myself sweating much more if i wake up earlier. i wasn't normal. but who is? i stand up, walking over to the bathroom. i open the door. there lies a hopeless body, of pure evil and pain. a soul who has now left for good for bringing jealousy and agony. a soul who created so much conflict in my chest that i had to kill him. "you'll be missed dear brother."