never have i ever ➣ joey trotta

10

Chapter 10: A Lot

AUTUMN

last night was a lot— a lot of fighting, a lot of crying and a lot of rekindling. i'm still not sure if i've completely forgiven joey at this point. i didn't end up staying with him last night because i wasn't sure if my heart could handle all of that. i'm reconsidering going to semi. maybe i'll attend the second rate field hockey tournament instead.

i'm trying my best to put all of this past me, so when a new girl walks into my english class i'm a little relieved. at least there's something new among all of these old tricks. she's rather pretty, with long brown hair that falls just below her shoulders, and glimmering hazel eyes. she takes a seat next to me, where i give her a welcoming smile.

"hi, i'm autumn," i greet. she returns the gesture with a small grin, and introduces herself as lola. she's from canada, and got sent here because she was expelled from two schools in her hometown.

we mostly make small talk the whole class. she's very nice, but so far i'm not too sure if i'd be friends with her outside of school matters.

"there's nothing in the world i wouldn't do for a milkshake right now," she groans, startling me slightly from the major change in pace from our previous conversation.

"i know a little diner down the road that we could go to after school, y'know, if you want," i reply. the diner is kind of joey and i's little secret spot, but that can be sacrificed for now. considering our friendship and trust was sacrificed for a lowlife whore such as kelsey on his end, i don't assume he'll mind.

"sure, that sounds fun!" she agrees giddily, making a smile appear on my face. i'm sort of excited for the end of the day now, it gives me an excuse to get out of here for a while, and also an excuse not to see joey for a little bit at least.

finally, the period ends and we both grab our bags and rush out of the classroom. we communicate that we're gonna run up to our rooms and get changed and collect everything we need and we'll meet by the front doors in twenty minutes.

once i get to my dorm, i realize i'm going to have to brave my fears and visit joey's dorm because i left my wallet there last time. i trudge down the halls, really dreading having to open the wooden door.

when i enter, joey catches my eye immediately. he's shirtless, and clearly preparing for his soccer practice that starts in ten minutes. he stops mid-action, all his attention being diverted to me. i close the door behind me, leaning on it shyly. something about this compromising situation strips me of all my confidence and i'm left vulnerable and submissive.

"hey," he speaks up, a soft tone in his voice like he can tell i'm anxious being in his presence.

"hi," i reply, my voice wavering. "i just need to get my wallet— i left it in here earlier," i clarify, though he doesn't seem interested. i gaze around the room awkwardly as he trains his eyes on me and nothing more is said by either of us. i finally spot my wallet on his dresser, reaching for it and then getting ready to leave. although in a sudden change of events, he grabs my wrist.

"i don't know what to do to get through to you," he suddenly admits, catching me completely off guard. my eyes widen slightly, and my wrist falls limp in his grasp. for a minute, it slips my mind that he's talking to me, but i quickly think up a response that'll hopefully get him to leave alone. assuming that that's what i want.

"it hasn't even been a day, joey. give me some time, at least," my lip quivers and i'm left wondering wether i'm going to break down crying or fall into right into his trap like i do every time.

"okay." his words are almost inaudible from how breathless they are. we catch eyes, and i can't seem to pry my gaze away from his. everything inside of me is screaming to free my hand and get out as quickly as i can, but once again i go against my better judgement and lean up a little. i hope to god that he doesn't clue in, and just lets me go.

his hand releases mine, and instead pulls me closer by the back of my neck. i know this is my last chance to escape, and still i allow myself to lean in. our lips mold together, a deep breath being released from my nose. all too suddenly, i realize what i'm doing and quickly separate us. i'm supposed to be mad at him.

"why'd you kiss me?!" i shriek, completely freaked out and overwhelmed with my emotions even though i know i initiated the kiss. his grip on me loosens and i step away wearily. i'm trying my best not to cry, because i have no idea what i want at this point.

"what do you mean?! you did the thing!" he justifies, failing his arms dramatically. i know he's right but he just looked so cute and vulnerable in the moment. everything is a lot right now.

"what? what thing?!" both of us are yelling at this point, me because i can't decide what i want for the life of me, and he's probably angry at me for the exact same reason.

"the thing! you lean up when you want to be kissed! you did that!" he defends himself, and rightfully so i suppose. it's kind of sad that my best friend knows my habits that elude to me wanting to be kissed. he's right, though, i did want to be kissed, i was just hoping that he wouldn't cue in on it.

"woah, am i interrupting something?" phil enters the room behind us, startling me enough to slap me back into my senses. i spare joey one last glance, before spinning around on my heels.

"no, i was just leaving."

A/N: yall i am so sorry this took so long, i have had major writers block but i am back now hopefully!!