coming home ;; JohnIl.

⚠️ → .2 ⚠️

F L A S H B A C K 0 1

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS TRIGGERING SCENES THAT MIGHT TRIGGER YOU. THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONING OF SUICIDE, SELF-HARMING. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO.

taeil's

i hate it when my suicidal self comes out. i am clinically diagnosed with depression, and youngho knew about that.

"why do i have to be this worthless..." i whispered to my self, staring at my reflection at the mirror.

i feel like i am a complete failure- i've never succeed in my whole life. i'm so worthless. useless.

i cried hard as the memories came back to me, the memories that used to be the reason of this sickness of mine.

"you stupid piece of a shit, why are your grades like these?! these are so fucking low! i didn't gave birth to someone stupid like you!"

"you're such a disgrace, taeil! keep in mind that starting today, you're not my son anymore! i'm not your mom anymore! you're so stupid!"

"who the fuck scores 31 over a test that consists of 100 items?! idiot!"

i cried harder as i can hear my mother's voice before. i feel so weak. my legs feel so weak.

i just let my body dropped on the floor. suddenly, i saw a blade beside me.

i just felt the urge to hurt my self again. this is the only way to release my pain.

i took the metal beside me and made a contact with my wrist.

i tried to deepen it and made two slits. i cried louder and louder as i saw my blood flowing endlessly. i was about to make another cut again but i was stopped by the one who just entered the bathroom.

"hyeong, what the fuck! stop!" i heard youngho said, worriedly. i was shocked because this was the first time i heard him swore.

i just stared into his eyes straight, not doing anything as i am still shocked.

he took away the blade from me and disposed it after. he crouched to reach my height. he wiped my tears and kissed my forehead.

"i'll help you clean your wounds. let's talk after." he said as he smiled and helped me stand.

i'm so sorry youngho. i'm so sorry for letting you see me in my worst state. i'm so fucking sorry...

i love you.