Sanders Sides Angst One Shots

Emotionless

Summary: Logan remembers a moment that changed everything, a moment from before they grew up to hate each other
TWs: none

Logan wasn't always emotionless... and even now he still had them. But he tried hiding them because of, well you see that's the problem. He wasn't even sure he wanted to admit it to himself at this point.

-flashback to when Thomas was 12-

Everyone had been hanging out in the mindscape enjoying Oreos that Patton has summoned. Roman was talking to his brother about Disney, swapping their fantasies about growing up and being independent. Remus hasn't been shunned nearly as much then, and the twins could be seen playing happily on a good day. Virgil was with Deceit as they tried to find the cheapest band tees they could because when you're 12, you're sorta broke. Patton and Logan giggled as they threw cookies up to see if they could catch them in their mounts. Logan threw one to Patton but Roman and Remus came flying threw the air to try and get it. They crashed into Patton and a yelp sliced through the playful atmosphere. The loud noise scared Virgil into a ball and Deceit shrunk back into the shadows. Logan, Logan was pissed.
"What is wrong with you guys!? Don't you ever think through what your doing? Look at Patton's face. Look him in the eyes!"
Roman and Remus shamefully turned to Patton who was trying to hide the tears of pain from getting landed on. His leg got cut on Roman's wooden sword and Remus' bony self was definitely going to leave a bruise. The twins turned back to Logan and winced as he continued.
"You've injured Patton, yes they are merely epidermal abrasions and slight internal bleeding resulting in what is know as a bruise, but you still hurt him. If you had simply thought through your decision rather than acting on impulse and brotherly competition, he wouldn't be crying right now!" Logan huffed and adjusted his grey glasses. "And I bet neither of you happened to notice Anxiety's reaction? He's anxiety guys, you think loud sudden noises, crashing, screaming, and someone being injured is remotely calming? You send him half into a panic attack in a matter of seconds. You didn't even think to put yourself in his shoes did you? You were too worried about yourselves like always. Deceit is a whole different story, he shrinks away you know. His instincts tell him to get away from threats, which means you scared him enough for his instincts to override his normal thoughts and familiarity with you two. They acted enough for him to shrink away on impulse because his amygdala triggered his fight of flight reflexes. If either of you had stopped to be considerate of at least one other person in this room you wouldn't have hurt anyone!"
The twins stared in shock. Patton whimpered in the awkward silence and Virgil clung to Deceit's side. After a moment, Roman got his ego back.
"Well at least I don't terrify everyone when I happen to show emotions. You think you helped just now? Screaming at everyone with your reasoning is terrifying Logan. You just make everything worse with your stupid emotions!"

-end flashback-

Logan's breathing shook as he remembered the phrase crystal clear. "You just make everything worse with your stupid emotions!" Ever since then he has been fading out his emotions slowly as not to alarm the others. He kept fading them out until he barely showed any. He was robotic in tone now, his actions and body language had been trained to act robotic as well. Logan had done everything he possibly could to get ride of all emotions. He promised himself he'd never show emotions again. But since he was still technically part human, he had to settle for never showing his emotions again. Only alone in his room late at night would he let his emotions out. Some nights he let giggles be muffled by a blanket. Other times he let tears pelt his pillowcase. And the most common was the ever cliche screaming into his pillow after any emotion was pent up too long. And when he walked out of his room? It was back to robotic. If anyone saw him crack a little bit, he would deny it and usually reason his way out of the situation.
But Logan didn't have emotions. There wasn't a reason for his robotic nature. This was just how it is now.
And sometimes, very very rarely, when he found himself wondering if staying robotic was worth it... he'd pay a quick visit to a now estranged snake. Deceit always knew how to reassure him. Plus, humans need at least a little bit of physical contact to survive, so the hugs weren't entirely unwelcome. They were strictly for survival purposes though. That's all they were for.

They had to be.

He had to be

Emotionless.