Sanders Sides Angst One Shots

Panic Attack

Summary: Panic Attacks! Featuring Virgil, the embodiment of Anxiety!
TWs: panic attack, let me know if I ever miss anything

"I'm not always the bad guy. I'm not always worthless. I'm not always a nobody. I'm not always someone who would be better off dead. I'm not always somebody who'd do everyone a favor if they just fucked off and died!" I scream, clutching my hair and thrashing my head back and forth, trying to register some sort of feeling, connection with the real world. But my thoughts were taking over, I was loosing my sense of reality. I tried to fight off the thoughts, tried to shove them away. But my depression just laughed in my head. A figure slipping through my conscious, staring me down through the flashes behind my smashed eyelids. Cackling with a glint in its eyes as I sit there trying to break free of the chains wrapped painfully tight around me, holding me captive in my warped, twisted, broken mind. The mind full of depression and anxiety. And Depression was amused that I tried to lie to myself. Tried believing the lies Depression said were simply that, lies. But I knew they held at least some truth.... I wouldn't change the world if I was gone. Only a few people's worlds. And I mean, people move on eventually. Sometimes people find someone to take the empty place in their lives. It'll work out. If people miss me that much they can look through the videos I made them. I made one for everyone I know. Logan, Roman, Patton, Thomas, everyone in the mindscape. I never had a chance to use them because my fear and anxiety always got in the way of Depression's wishes. He's not allowed to bother Thomas. And I couldn't let him bother any of the other sides he wanted to. So I guess I'm playing a hero by letting Depression take out its wrath on me instead of anyone else. But it doesn't feel like it. I have scars that were from battles I had with myself, with Depression. I have bags under my eyes from the demons in my head sucking away all my energy. I have no will to live. But here I am living for the sake of others.

As the panic attack mellows out, I notice that I'm no longer alone in my room. I suddenly feel on edge, even more than a panic attack could form.

"Ah, you've become aware of my presence." Logan's words confirm that he's not just my imagination.
"Y-yeah... why are you here."
"Patton sent me to collect you for dinner, but as you were occupied I decided to wait for a moment to see if you'd calm down on your own. Since you did no actions were necessary. Now come on, Patton insists that you attend every meal like the rest of us. I shall meet you in the kitchen." As he walks out I feel myself crumple over into my blankets. I let a few tears slip down my face, their trails almost mocking me. It's as if my tears want to stay as long as possible, like they enjoy my pain. I pick myself up and sigh. The mirror shows me how to disguise myself before I show up for food I don't want. After getting ready, I start to wander down to the table. I brace myself to pretend... I brace myself to wear a mask that's crumbling more everyday... and I brace myself to challenge deceit himself with how many lies I tell.

"Hey kiddo, how are you doing! I made pasta!"
"Hey dad, sounds great and I'm doing fine."