COMPLICATED || Hyunminsung

03 - Recurrent

"I saw it, and I knew,

I wish there was a different answer

I wish our worlds didn't collide like this

I wish for more

than I can have.

I've never not been true to you,

Even if heavens tell you otherwise

Trust this, I am true."

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Minho cannot remember a day he didn't enjoy drafting pictures. Any sculpture, any building, any little thing poured inspiration into him. So when he was faced with the big question during his formative years, he'd had his answer written and ready. 

He wanted to be an architect.

Many envied him for that very ability to stand firm. If you look at it, he's always, always  wanted the same thing. Chased after the same thing. It wasn't easy, not at all. Especially in the beginning, the distaste in the eyes of those that didn't approve of his choice, the hurtful remarks and snide comments by those that lacked his drive.

He had closed his eyes to it as he thought he was living for himself, studying for himself, so why should he bother with what others thought. 

Later, he was sure the world was against him. His college professor, a glacier of a man despised him for no reason at all, except being better than his son, he supposes. And so he did it. He had reached where he needed.

But he still didn't think of socialising then.  Thus through his years, he hadn't been able to keep hold of a relationship for himself. Be it friends wise or...more intimate relationships.

He, at first, hadn't wanted anything lasting and got it. He slept with anyone who looked at him a certain way. He felt accomplished, in some way. But he knew dating for him would be difficult, what with the emotional and psychological baggage his partner would have to bear. 

He wanted, and envied those with a stable relationship for a long time. 

His thoughts had led him to take on the fantasy of an ideal familial life. He knew he was gay from a young age and had come out long ago. No one seemed to mind either way. 

He first fell in love when he was 23. 

He fell apart on his 24th birthday. 

His love was dead, his world collapsed again. 

The nightmares began again.

-

It had happened when he was in junior high. He had always tried to keep a low profile. If you didn't attract attention, you're better off, he had thought. Seems like the world just picks on anyone to ruin. Thus is the grand spectrum called life.

He had just got out of his house and decided to walk the way to school since he was feeling particularly down that day. He had thought a walk would relieve him of that.

There was a blizzard the day before but schools were still open and so, he trudged through the snow, it felt like putty under him and fourteen-year-old Minho had to play with it.