Celebrity One-Shots (joke book)

Celebrity x Mike (fluff)

"Dear GOD sir.." Mike started off.
Celebrity had just bought a bunch of chap stick from their local dollar tree in ENGLAND and Celebrity had just wasted Mikes whole check on nothing but flavoured lip balms for them to illegally sell.
"Lighten up Mike! I literally spent all of your money on these things for us to sell! We will be rich in no time!"
Mike grunted "Rich enough for me to buy at least ONE black coffee?" Mike asked raising a brow at celebrity.
Celebrity stopped his talking for a second and made a questioning face before finally talking "You know what- YES! Yes you will buy as MANY black coffees as you want but FIRST we have to sell all of THESE bad boys!" Celebrity said motioning to a shopping cart full of thousands of lip balms
"Sir.. please... This is a HORRIBLE idea in fact it is ILLEGAL-"
But Mike couldn't finish his sentence since Celebrity had already taken off with the shopping cart yelling at people to but the strawberry (not raspberry) lip balms. Mike simply sighed and painfully rushes over to Celebrity to help him out.
Hours later him and Celebrity were all tuckered out with a bunch of lip balms still in the cart "Sir.. PLEASE stop trying to sell these lip balms it is literally NO USE" Mike said placing a hand on Celebritys shoulder
Celebrity jumped a little at the touch and turned around "Sorry Mike but I can't just give up on these good prices!" Celebrity then pushed his shopping cart along merrily.
Mike, exhausted, sighed and then continued walking until something up caught his eye. He noticed a slim figure with purple shaved hair and ear piercings who was loudly rambling about some blonde man who said he "hated women"
Mike then gasped and quickly tugged Celebrity away. Celebrity gasped and looked ahead as well "HOLY SHIT-" Celebrity yelled immediately getting the attention of the two women "DUUUDE YOUR LIPS ARE SO FUCKING C H A P P E D HOLY SHIT BRO!-" Mike then quickly covered Celebritys mouth with his hand which was sweaty and much bigger than celebritys mouth
The women, who now appeared very angry, started approaching Celebrity who was now very confused.
Celebrity turned towards Mike for a second and asked "Hey Mike why are they walking towards me like that-" only for Mike to quickly push Celebrity onto the floor and take a hard PUNCH from the woman in purple "HOLY SHIT- MIKE!" Celebrity yelled quickly getting back up
He saw the women both proceeding to beat up Mike. Now Mike WOULD beat them back but since he is the u l t i m a t e w o m a n respecter AND was too tired he decided to simply accept his fate and fall asleep.
But Celebrity would not let his trusted body guard take that fall.
Celebrity, acting fast, quickly grabbed the shopping cart full of lip balm and RAMMED it into the two girls accidentally running over Mike who groaned in pain in response "Sorry dude!" Said Celebrity as he rammed the two girls down the sidewalk with their screams of fear getting farther and farther away.
When Mike finally woke up he was sitting lazily on a sidewalk outside of a coffee shop "Oh shit.." Mike groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose "What the hell happened??.." He then turned around quickly when he heard the "ding-a-ling" of a cafe door bell, looked up, and saw a rather proud looking Celebrity holding two coffees in his hands.
Mike raised an eyebrow as Celebrity sat next to Mike handing him a coffee which Mike eagerly drank only to spit it out "Sir.." Mike started off "Why did you put multiple Jolly Ranchers in my coffee?" He said showing Celebrity his now opened coffee cup filled with Jolly Ranchers.
Celebrity blushed a little and had a offended look on his face "Its called a THANK YOU GIFT Mike JESUS CHRIST!" Celebrity said punching Mike in the eye "FUCK!!" Mike exclaimed touching his eye "THANK YOU!! there- GOD!" Mike grumbled drinking his coffee
Celebrity continued to chuckle followed by Mike chuckling as well until finally finishing his coffee.

(I fucking hate this)