santa is a law abiding citizen you asshole || OC Ficlet

santa does NOT commit tax fraud

"No, no and no- You are absolutely wrong- Santa would NEVER do such a thing-"

"Aye that gent wouldst! i did see t with mine own owneth eyes, Flare!"

Flare groans and rubs their forehead, they and Romeo had been in a heated debate about the legality of Santa's actions which had lead to some severe accusations on Romeo's part. Doll and Jester had also joined in, mostly to just listen to what the two were arguing about.

"Well-" Doll started, piping in for the first time in the conversation "Maybe Romeo's right! I mean Santa does commit breaking and entering every year!"

"Okay first of all he does that to give gifts to presents and secondly that doesn't mean that he commits tax evasion!!" Flare states rather loudly.

"But having done crimes in the past couldst leadeth to that gent doing oth'r crimes, couldst t not?"

"It's debatable that he even does crime! All he's doing is giving children presents and you just want to make him look bad!!"

"T doesn't matt'r if 't be true that gent hast valorous intentions, that gent's still breaking into people's homes!"

"Oh my god that doesn't count! People who celebrate Christmas are basically consenting to it!!! They put out cookies and milk for him!!" Flare says, almost practically yelling at this point.

"Does all of this really matter?" Jester buds in "The guy isn't even real-"

"Of course t doest Jest'r!!"

"I just feel like you two are getting a little... aggressive over this debate"

"Oh shut the fuck up, Jester" Flare growls. Jester then promptly frowns and slinks downwards, obviously upset at such harsh language used towards him.

"Hey, hey you don't need to swear at Jester" Doll says as she glances down at Jester.

"Gah whatever! The point is Santa is a law abiding citizen!"

"Nay that gent's not!!"

"Oh really what's your proof, Romeo?"

"I did see that gent committing tax fraud with mine own owneth eyes!!"

"Really? When?"

"I hath spent a day with that gent at the n'rth pole at which hour i wast just a peat, th're i did see that gent committing tax fraud!"

"Oh really? Or are you just making up lies because you're a terrible, sad person that you just have to make someone else look like a criminal?"

Romeo is about scream something at Flare before everyone is interrupted by Melanie, who had walked over.

"Hey- All of you shut up for two seconds" She states loud enough for all of them to hear "Flare, The Ringmaster needs you for something"

Flare groans before walking over to Melanie.

"Fine" They turn their gaze to Romeo for a moment "This isn't over asshole!"

"Fine, i'm not afraid to debate with thee"

Flare and Melanie walk off to meet up with The Ringmaster while Romeo, Doll and Jester are all left where they were originally.