Will You Let Me Love You?

chapter 31

[Miley's POV]

Well I'm glad I'm out of the hospital and back in school! Although, I have way too many people asking what happened to me. I don't want to tell them. That will give too much information, so I just try to change the subject, and if that doesn't work, I just tell them it's too personal.

Some understand, and others think I'm just being bitchy. I don't see how...? I just don't want all my personal business out there like that for everyone to know about. Justin and Katie have really been here for me though. Which I'm thankful for. My dad and mom won't let me out of their sight it seems like now, but I don't care. It let's me know they care and are there for me.

The only thing that is still bad, is that I still have nightmares about it. My psychologist says it's normal because this is all still fresh,but I should be okay.

Yea, I should be, but I feel like this will never end. Everything that happened at that house, with Luke, it just plays back in my mind over and over again when I'm alone or trying to get some rest. I can't stop myself from thinking about everything. It has scared me, on the inside, forever. I can't rewind and avoid everything that has happened, even though I sure as hell wish I could, but I can't which sucks.

I shot up out of my hospital bed crying and pulling at my hair and scratching at my arms the night that Justin had stayed overnight with me, the night before I got to go home. I was screaming and Justin said it seemed like it took forever for the nurses to get me to calm down. He was so terrified and I feel so bad him.

I get home and sit on my bed in my room and think about this some more. Why am I putting Justin through this? Why am I putting my parents and Katie through this? This is my fault! Luke hated me, not them, but yet they still got pulled into it. I'm so stupid! I've scared them with my nightmares and waking them up, I've scared them with getting kidnapped. Everything is my fault. If I would've never broke up with Luke, non of them would be scared right now. It would just be my fault. They wouldn't have to worry about anything, because I wouldn't have told them.

It's all my fault. Why am I so stupid. "Why are you so stupid Miley!?" The voice in my head repeats. "Shut up!" I scream. "You know it's your fault. It's all your fault. Why are you putting your friends and family through your problems? This is gonna be a continuous thing. Luke is coming back for you,somehow. This is never going to end, so you end it. End it all. You know what you have to do. Go to your bathroom while no one is here to see. Put them and yourself out of misery."

As that voice in my head is speaking to me, I find myself on the bathroom floor with my blade cutting on my wrist. It stings a little, but I'm putting everyone, including myself in misery. So why not?

"Yes, that's it. Do more"

I continue. Making longer and deeper cuts. One by one. I see the blood start pouring off my arm to the floor, then I switch arms and start on that one as well. More and more each time; deeper. The more I do, the more I feel better. I run some warm water in the tub. I get in and my cuts start to sting more. The blood mixes with the water, and now the water is red. I then go to my thighs and start cutting there too. I start to see double vision and I get light headed. Then I hear someone enter my bathroom.

"Miley! What are you doing? Oh my gosh!" It's Justin. Of course. Why does it have to be him? Why couldn't he have just waited a little while longer. I look up at him, but not for long before I black out...

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(A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter was a bit triggering, but I'm not wanting to just let the story be smooth sailing from here out now that she's away from Luke. And this is also connected to me and my personal life. Just some of the things I deal with, like everything wrong is my fault. But I'll be okay. I hope y'all like this chapter. I love y'all)
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