The Legend of Zelda: DEATH OR DARE

Teehee.... I made this for fun! For those of you who don't know about Legend of Zelda, all will be explained in the next chapter! Happy Reading!

-spotlight turns on-

Kirtara: Hello folks, and welcome to Week 1 of DEATH OR DARE! For this series... we will be using... these people! -points to a spot, and Link, Shiek, Ganondorf, Din, Zelda, Navi, and Malon materialize out of thin air-

Welcome!

Ganondorf: Where the fuck are we!?! -stares at me- I was going to finish the elf boy off!

Link: Yeah, yeah, we all know that YOU'RE the one who always dies. The hero never dies!

Navi: Shut up Link, we know that you only live cuz Nintendo can't afford to lose a valuable game, but if they didn't, we'd all call you pathetic and an idiot, and, and -blathers on-

Kirtara: Hello Ganon. You're MINE NOW! -teehee-, I mean, uhhh... -cough- You're in our Death or Dare room!

Ganondorf: WTF is THAT!?

Link: Yeah little lady, as much as I hate the troll guy, I agree. Where the fuck are we?

Malon: Send me back right this instant! My daddy won't be happy!

Kirtara: Well... this is a place where NORMAL people send in things they date you to do, and you guys have to do it! Until the END OF ETERNITY! -cough- Until the end of this year.

Zelda: Hmph! Well I'm not staying here! I've got things to attend too!

Shiek: I agree with myself. I'm going.

Kirtara: But if you're talking to another person that's not currently physically you, shouldn't it be WE'RE going?

Shiek: ... Darn...

Kirtara: Anyways, you can't leave! -maniacal smile- I took your weapons and all things that can cause harm, and I have... things.

Ganondorf: Like what?!

Kirtara: Weeeelll... I took Link's Master Sword, Ocarina, Bow, Bombs, and all those knickknacks, Zelda can't use magic or anything, and I took her bow and blade, Din's Rod is mine, too, Shiek can't leave without Zelda, and I have his knife, Malon, your... pitchfork is still in the barn, and Navi... well, you're pretty much helpless;)

Navi: W-why you...! -charges-

Kirtara: -flicks away Navi- Anyhow, you can't leave, can't kill me, and can't do pretty much anything, so why not join the party?

Link: -mumbles- fine... but I want dinner. And a soda.

Kirtara: -makes soda and food materialize- Done.

Link: Yipee! I'm in... for now.

Ganon: Hah! You can't persuade me like that! -sticks out tongue-

Kirtara: Hmmm... but I CAN make your life miserable by changing your screen name!

Troll Man: What the Fu... WHY THE HELL IS MY NAME 'TROLL MAN?!?' Change it!

Kirtara: You asked for it. -snaps fingers-

McTroller: Thank- What!?! That's worse than the last one

Kirtara: Then how about this? -snaps fingers-

GrannyDork the Troll: WTH? That's HORRIBLE!

Kirtara: I'll change it if your participate in the game... please? -puppy dog face-

GrannyDork the Troll: Fine... -groans-

Zelda and Shiek: Look, little girl, we're not gonna give in just because of a little name change. We'll be sitting out, -

Kirtara: Hmmm... did I mention that since your genes are similar, I'll have no problem mutating you two together?

Zelda and Shiek: We're in.

Kirtara: What about you guys, Malon, Navi, and Din?

Din: Why am I here? It's always Nayru who's so popular...

Kirtara: I'm your fan. Screw Nayru!

Din: I have a fan? I'm in!

Navi: Waaaahh! This isn't fair! I'm here with a lady with no heart! -sobs anime style- I'll come... for the sake of my life...

Kirtara: Smart fairy.

Malon: Wait, I'm on TV? I'm in! -waves- Hi daddy!

Kirtara: Ummmm...?

Link: -holds out empty bowl- Ramen, please?

Kirtara: Sure!... Right after Ganondorf and Shiek rip off that hat of yours.

Link: WHAT?! -sobs uncontrollably- My hat... Don't!

Zelda: You know, I've never seen what's under that hat of his... and we're lovers!

Malon: You're darn right. He must have somethin' suspicious going on under there.

Link: NOOOOO! NAVI! YOU'RE ON MY SIDE, RIGHT!?

Navi: Honestly... no matter how many times I drag that green cap, it never comes off... go on.

Kirtara: So that's settled. I'll read the dare!

From: Anonymous

Ok, since the concept of your book seems interesting, I guess I'll play along! I dare Shiek and Ganon to rip off Link's hat, and I also dare Nabooru to come and ask Ganon why he dresses up goth-style.

Link: ... You've gotta be kidding me...

Kirtara: Nope!

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I WANNA LEAVE! THE HAT IS OFF-LIMITS!

Ganondorf: MWAHAHAHA

Sheik: OMG... That's a big MWAHAHAHA

Din, Navi, Zelda, and Malon: -grabs popcorn and plops down on beanie bag chairs-

Link: -desperately tries to break the door down, but fails- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ganondorf and Sheik: GET HIM!!!! -tackles Link and rips off hat-

Everyone: ... W........ T............ F??!?!?!?!?!?!?

Link: So what if I wear hats under my hats? It's my hat collection. Now look at the mess you made...

Malon, Navi, Zelda: -jumps up and takes another one of Link's hats-

Link: grrrrrrr.....

Kirtara: ... Link, I used to like you, but now... I-

Link: Yeah, yeah, I know. You hate me.

Kirtara: No.... Now, I think you're a freak... Onwards with the dares!

-points at a sofa, and Nabooru appears-

Hi Nabooru! You're my loyal minion! Now... -leans over and whispers something into her ear-

Nabooru: Really? Ok... -walks up to Ganondorf- Ganondorf dearie... why do you dress up weirdly, like a goth? It's so emo.

Ganondorf: U-uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I dunno... OH FUCK, I DON'T KNOW, IT'S THE STUPID CHARACTER DESIGNER'S FAULT, THEY MADE ME LOOK LIKE THIS! I CAN'T EVEN WEAR A T-SHIRT, FOR GOD'S SAKE! -glares at me- AND YOU, WHAT DID YOU TELL MY DARLING NABOORU?!

Kirtara: ... Nothin'... Just that that.... ummmm -makes Nabooru disappear- What were we talking about?

Ganondorf: Why you... -turns into Beast Ganon-

Kirtara: -yelps and runs-

Ganondorf: -chases me around in circles-

Malon, Zelda, Link, Shiek, Navi, Din: U-uuhhhhh -moment of awkwardness passes- See you next time!

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Ok, so this is just for fun, I was bored, so please don't comment saying this is kiddy and useless, I was bored, and wanted to get my ideas out. Please vote, comment, and/or fan! I need more dares for next week!