The Reason

Her

THIS CHAPTER IS TOLD FROM HER POINT OF VIEW.

Sitting at the doctor's office, alone, she felt her anxiety started to worsen. Sure she could have asked Sam, her best friend, to come with her but she didn't want Sam to worry about her.

When her migraines started to get worse, she decided to finally cave and go and see a doctor. What she thought was a normal routine check-up, turned out to be a full-on investigation of what was the cause of her migraines. For months the doctors couldn't find out what was going on until one day, they asked her to go for a CAT scan just to make sure.

She wore thick sunglasses today because the light was starting to bother her and also her eyes were swollen because she has been crying all night. Things with Namjoon had gotten worse and she was blaming herself. The pain that the migraine has caused her to be really mean towards him. She knew that all he wanted to do was make sure that she was alright but she knew, at the back of her mind, that the results from the CAT scans would not come back positive.

Over dinner last week, Namjoon mentioned to her that he would have to go away to Australia for work and she lost it. She didn't know what triggered her burst of anger but she went off at him calling him names. She pushed him away. He threatened not to come back if she did and she dared him to do it. Namjoon didn't come home that night and she thought it was well and truly over between them, but he came back like he always does and she forgave him. They made up passionately that night. It was as if they never wanted to let each other go.

The nurse called out her name and she walked into the doctor's office. She looked at his face and she immediately knew that whatever she was about to hear was not going to be good. She braced herself.

The doctor sighed.

"Out with it doctor," she said.

"I am afraid, it's not good news. We found a 30mm tumour sitting behind your eyes putting pressure your eyesight. This is what has been causing your migraines."

The diagnosis floored her. She felt her chest starting to tighten as she tries to listen to the doctor. It was getting harder to breathe. Her hands gripped the sides of the chair that she was sitting on and her vision was starting to blur. She felt the doctor's hand on her shoulder as she tried to breathe.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

Of course, she wasn't ok, she thought. Although her doctor hasn't said it yet she knew what she had.

CANCER.

FUCK! CANCER! She thought.

The doctor gave her a glass of water and guided her through her panic attack.

"We have two options," he said to her once she was calm again. "One is to seek chemotherapy here but there is a fifty per cent chance that it might come back again. And two, that you seek treatment in the States to remove it but the downside is that you will lose sight. If you don't get treated as soon as possible, then not only you will lose your sight, you may also lose your life."

She started crying again knowing what she has to decide on.

Namjoon came home yesterday saying that he was offered a position in Australia for a year. She liked the idea of living overseas for a year. It was something that she always wanted to do plus she gets to do it with Namjoon. This offer was a huge deal for Namjoon's career and she would do anything to support him but the fates have decided to throw this curveball at her. She knew Namjoon would drop everything and care for her and she didn't think that it was fair. She was going to be a burden to him.

As she left the doctor's office after signing all the documents to transfer her medical records to the States, she made up her mind. It was going to be a painful decision but it would be the best for herself and Namjoon.

The move to the States will take a few months, so she decided to start distancing herself from Namjoon. The good thing is that he was so busy at work that by the time he comes home, it was late and she would pretend to sleep so she didn't have to speak to him. It was painful to argue with Namjoon constantly when he asked her what was going on with her but she did what she had to do and pushed him away further.

She took the opportunity to leave him when he is away for work. She asked Sam to help her move her stuff out from their apartment and spent the next few days with Sam. She swore Sam to secrecy and her friend agreed.

She took the coward's way up and broke up with him via a note. She knew that if she would have seen his face or hear his voice, she wouldn't have the courage to break his heart.

"It's all for the best," she told Sam as they rode in the car towards Sam's apartment. "I don't want him to feel bad and care for me when he is doing great things with work. I don't want to be his burden."

She told Sam to only tell Namjoon where she was going, without any details of the Cancer, when she left the country for a few months.

"I could hear him crying," Sam said when she called. "He is not in the right state of mind. Hoseok is worried for him."

"He will be fine," she said. "Just tell him that I moved here to be away from him."

She knew it was mean but she wanted him to move on with his life. He had to.