The Reason

The Meeting

THE PHONE ON HIS TABLE BUZZED, Namjoon looked at the text message from Hoseok.

"8 pm at Sidewinders Bar. Sam has asked us to "meet" them there."

Namjoon's heart started to beat faster. He was nervous and excited at the same time. The last week, Namjoon tried his best not to go back to Kangbin's cafe again. There were a few times that he nearly folded but he didn't want to be that guy who stalked his ex.

The bar was quiet for a Thursday night. Namjoon walked in with Hoseok and immediately spotted her sitting next to Sam. They were both laughing and talking and it brought him back to the old times where they use to meet up after work and have a drink before heading home.

Namjoon's hands started to sweat and he wiped them on the side of his jeans. It felt like he was going on his first date with her again. He met her through friends who thought both of them would hit it off and they were right. They hit it off almost instantly. He always joked with her that it was love at first sight.

"Love at first sight doesn't exist," she said to him. 

"Then how else do you describe how I felt when I first saw you?" 

She turned around to look at Namjoon who was sitting on the bed. 

"Y-you love me?" her tone surprised. 

He never said it to her at that point, they have only started dating for a few months. 

"Apparently not, according to you," he smiled at her his dimples showing. She looked at him with her doe eyes and his heart flutter a little. 

"Yes," he said again as he pulled her towards him and kissed her on her lips. "Yes, of course, I love you."

Namjoon waved at Sam nervously. He saw Sam whispered something to her and her face went grim. She whispered something back and Sam smiled awkwardly.

"Hi," Hoseok greeted the girls.

"Hi, Hoseok. Hi, Namjoon," Sam said nervously.

Namjoon didn't know what to say or do. She didn't look too happy.

"Hi, Hoseok. Hi Namjoon," she said finally not looking at their direction. "Come sit with us," she invited.

Hoseok motioned for Namjoon to sit next to her. He could feel her stiffening up as he sat next to her. Namjoon's hands started to sweat again. The waiter came by and took their drinks order and when he left, the table was quiet.

"So," she said breaking the silence. "I guess there are a lot of questions that needed to be answered," she turned to face Namjoon.

"I--," Namjoon really didn't know what to say. Sure he wanted to know everything but at this moment, his brain was in shock. He wanted to ask a million questions but all he could think of is holding her in his arms again.

Namjoon felt her hand on his lap. He all but jumped out of his seat. He didn't expect that to happen.

"Namjoon," she said to him, "I am sorry. I am sorry for the pain that I have caused you."

Namjoon held her hand and squeezed it. All the anger and sadness went away instantly.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I had cancer," her reply was short. Namjoon cursed under his breath and she smiled.

"Had?"

She nodded her head.

"I am cancer free now. Have been for 2 years."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to be a burden to you. You were doing so well at work and I didn't want to be that person who stopped you from being successful."

"That wasn't your decision to make," Namjoon replied. He was a little bit agitated. "It wasn't fair for you to assume that you would be a burden to me, of all people."

"Namjoon, you would have dropped everything in your life to care for me. When the doctor told me what my course of action was, I knew that you would have not taken that job opportunity in Australia to care for me. It was very much my decision to make."

Namjoon saw Hoseok and Sam shift in their seat. They were clearly uncomfortable being there.

Namjoon cleared his throat.

"Do you still need to go to the States for follow-ups of check-ups now?" he asked her.

"For now no, but I do have to go see my doctor here for a check-up every three months just to make sure that everything is alright."

Namjoon was silent. He wanted to ask the obvious question but didn't know how to.

"I lost my eyesight," she said as if reading his mind. "The tumour was much more aggressive than we thought it would be. At first, we thought I would still keep at least 60% of my vision but when they did more tests, we found out that in order to remove the tumour, I would have to lose my vision completely."

Namjoon squeezed her hand tightly.

"I am sorry, Namjoon. I truly am. It was the right decision to make at the time. I hope you have found your happiness that I wasn't able to give you."

"I have to admit, I was broken and angry. I didn't really understand what was going on and why you just left me just like that. And you are right, I would have refused to take on the job and would care for you until you were better, I wish you would have let me do that. You were everything to me, don't you get it?"

"Were?" she said sounding a little disappointed.

"Were, are, whatever! You," Namjoon said bringing her hand and placing it on his heart, "You are my everything. You still are. There is not a day that passes by that I don't think about you."

"Even after what I did to you and after all these years?"

"Yes. Even after all of the shit you put me through, my heart still yearns for you. I still love you!"

She pulled her hand away from Namjoon and covered her face and started to cry. Namjoon pulled her into his arms and she continued to sob into his chest. He comforted her as she cried.

"I love you too," she said still sobbing. This was the feeling he missed the most. His love for her and her love for him. She was finally back in his arms again.

Sam and Hoseok excused themselves from the table and sat at the bar for the rest of the night.