Being a tomboyish pansexual

65

I'm back from the dead! I know that is kind of crazy and if anyone still reading was here when I first started then; Thanks for sticking with me. I appreciate it my lovely doves. Wow I'm starting to sound like a grandma. 

Let us begin another rant that I feel I have the immediate need to start, LOL. 

1) I have been asked recently if "the whole pansexual thing was still something you identify with or was it a phase?" My first response ,in true jersey fashion was the flick of the bird and a swift "fuck you." I still identify as pan and that's something I don't think is going to change. But then again sexuality is fluid. I just think people want to continue wishing that I was just straight and pass me off as not abnormal. What else would be new?

2) Remember when I said that college is awesome but stressful as hell. No? Well it is. Sure you get to have more freedom than you did in high school but that means that you have to be completely responsible for your own actions. Mom and Dad aren't going to be your shield anymore. You are kicked out of the nest and its either you fall or fly. There really isn't much of an in between to it. Its ridiculous how much we aren't taught but yet expected to know for the real world. The ones that have a leg up are those of us who were forced to grow up quick as kids, the rest of us are just now trying to catch up. Also, college is stressful as it is. You're forced to predecide your future, you could go in not knowing what to do but that just puts you at risk for the ridicule of adults as they only see you as a future McDonalds worker. Kids also experiment in college. Yes, kids. The only adults in college are the ones already leaving the institute as in debt members of society. You know drugs and alcohol are the top two but also sexual identity is another big one. Depending on the university no one will give a flying fuck about who you want to love or (to be curt) screwing. It's great but now your trying to out-gay others in the community. It  seems to be like a competition to see who has been to the most pride parades and live up to the stereotypes of the community. If you're lesbian you're a dyke or femme. For gay, you're the femme bottom and the masculine top. It's ridiculous. 

3) When you're friends are in love with you it's stressful. I have a date with a guy who has been one of my closest friends since middle school. I want to die. Not that he isn't a great guy but one of three things can happen. 1) we make a connection. Great, that's amazing and we get together. 2) its a flop and things between us start to get awkward and for the rest of our lives we end up walking on eggshells till we drift apart. 3) it flops and I lose a friend. I 'm already a mess as it is that I don't want to lose one of my closest friends in the process. But who knows if it can actually work. We miss 100% of the shots we never take, so my fate is in the hands of the universe.