Guilted into Marriage [Completed]

Chapter 12 : Vodka For My Wound

I wanted to look calm, but I couldn't control my tear secretion. I said nothing. He tried to come closer to hold me but I ran to my room and locked the door. 'Why do I melt like ice cream in front of him?'

I got a call from my mom in India. My tears which I tried so hard to hold back in my eyes broke my control like water breaking down the dam. Only my mom can help me feel better when I'm down. I answered the call. I tried to sound normal, but she figured it out quickly. She asked me why my voice sounded like I cried. I couldn't tell her the whole story or some part of it. I said I felt homesick. She cried after me because she missed me as well. We both cried for sometime, then my dad consoled us both. They suggested me to come back to India. I said I will think about it.

I cried and cried for hours. Love isn't easy like in the movies. Why don't people have same level of feelings for each other? I love him but he only likes me like a friend. I misunderstood everything and assumed that he was in love with me. What should I do about this? It is not right to force him but at the same time I feel sad because of my unreciprocated love. I slept for a while after being tired of all the crying. When I woke up my eyes were swollen big. It was Saturday night. I thought maybe I should just stay inside the room for the whole weekend. I don't want to face him. I tried to sleep again but it was hard. I got up and went to see him. He was on the couch watching TV. I sat next to him. He turned off the TV. He looked at me with concern. It was clear that I have been crying for hours because of my eyes. He took my hands and he was about to say something. I interrupted him and said
"I want to drink"
"What?"
"I'm sad. So I want to drink alcohol"
"Hey come on, don't be sad. I hate to see you like this. We can figure this out. I like you very..."
I didn't want to hear what he has got to say, so I put my fingers on both my ears blocking his sound and shouted. "I WANT ALCOHOL. I WANT ALCOHOL. I WANT ALCOHOL. I WANT.."
He stopped me and agreed to take me to a nearby bar.
We sat on the high stool near the counter. He ordered a vodka for himself and beer for me. I asked him to order Vodka for me also. He said it would be too strong for me but I was stubborn.

My first time with alcohol, I'm not excited about it. I never thought that I would drink but I was too sad to think straight. All I did was to act childish. Bartender gave us the drinks. Kevin tried to stop me by saying
"If you want to try drinks out of your own interest, that's fine, but you shouldn't try it because of me. I feel bad that I'm the reason for this. Give me some time, we will talk and figure this out"
He is calm and has clear idea about pretty much everything in life but me. That thought made me go crazy, I took the glass immediately and took a sip before even realizing that I didn't like it's smell. I spit it out immediately. It burnt my body parts wherever it made contact. Why do people drink this?

He laughed at me as if he was saying, I told you so.
"Want more?" he asked mockingly
I said nothing but stare at him with anger. He ordered fruit juice for me. We sat there watching the TV. I noticed a beautiful blonde girl eyeing him. I waved at her and said
"He is a great guy. You should ask him out"
"Hey! What are you doing?" he asked in a low tone embarrassed.
"You don't want me, then why don't you go out with her? She seems like your type blonde, tall, beautiful. Will you like me if I color my hair?"
"I'll be back in a minute." He walked to the men's room trying to avoid me.
A stranger approached me and said hi to me. I got scared. I'm usually afraid of strangers that too a drunk one seemed more dangerous. I walked away briskly looking for Kevin, shouting his name. I found him. He was standing in the queue for bathroom. I told him about the stranger. He reacted like it was nothing. He said that he would take me home immediately. On our way out, that stranger approached us to say that he did not mean to scare me. Kevin responded
"It's alright man. My wife is just dramatic at times."
His comment made me more angry. But I laughed instead when he looked at me teasingly with a bright smile. Why Radha? Why do you act like a complete moron in front of him? I asked myself

We went back home, we sat on the couch. I sat at the far end of the couch away from him but he moved in closer to me. He put his hands around my shoulder and let my head rest on his shoulder. I slightly moved my head in an attempt to feel his beard which I have always wanted to touch. It was nice. I had everything but it wasn't mine. How can he make me feel all different sorts of emotions at the same time?

He took my right hand, gently running his fingers through my fingers. He started talking in a soft tone
"Hey don't be mad at me. I like you a lot. I think it's too soon to decide if I'm in love. We should stick together and see where this goes"
I didn't want to listen to him saying over and over that this wasn't love. I got mad and bit his left cheek.
"Ahhhh! What are you doing?" he sounded with pain.
"I'm so mad at you"
He smiled at me unbelievably. "Why are you acting like a child? You didn't drink but you're acting like a drunk baby"
I said nothing but pouted my lips with anger and disappointment.
We looked at each other blank saying nothing
He broke off the silence by asking
"Can I bite you back?

On the lips?"
My lips involuntarily twitched on hearing that. I bit my lips to act natural.
"I'm going to bed" I wanted to flee the area.
"Good night beautiful!"
"Night" I said without even looking back at him.
"Hey you never told me about that dream?" he asked
Oh no he still remembers!
"NOPE! NOT IN THIS LIFETIME!" I shouted as I walked towards my room without looking at him.
"WHAT? CAN'T HEAR YOU?" he shouted even higher to mock me.
I stopped and turned to look at him. My intention was look annoyed but I failed after seeing his smile. I couldn't even stay mad at him. He is a great guy. I never want to miss someone like him. I prayed "God, Please make him fall in love with me. I know it is not right to force him to love me but I want him, I need him"