Letters

Regret

 Hello, old friend,

It has been so long since we last spoke, so long. I still remember that day, the day I walked out. You must know how dearly I regret it. I regret every word that left my mouth, I regret leaving on the day you needed me most, I regret the entire fight. I let a petty argument get in the way of what I held most dear. Not a day goes by that I wish I could take it all back.

I think what I regret most of all is not telling you how much you meant to me. You were always there for me. And when I thought I had no one, when I thought I was alone, you were there to give me a good slap in the face. You'd remind me that I had a family that cared for me and you'd tell me I had you too. I could never believe you'd actually slapped me. But I did appreciate it, your odd way of showing you cared. I always appreciated it.

I sometimes wondered why you stuck around for so long. You were good to me, but I never returned the favor. I didn't have your back like you had mine. I wasn't worthy of your friendship, but you never gave up on me. But the moment the ball was in my court I did not hesitate to give up on you. Even then you reached out, but I ignored your calls and your letters, I have those tucked away in a brown box buried deep in my closet. I didn't even open them until now. I regret that too.

If I hadn't tucked away your letters, if I hadn't been so stupid I could have still had you in my life. I love you so much. How could I be so dumb to throw away every chance you gave me. Every time you put your hand out, I pushed it away.  I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't expect you to ever forgive. I wouldn't ask that of you, not after everything that's happened. 

I do ask that you be happy and live the life you were always after. Can you do that for me?

Sincerely,

Regretful