Inside My Mind (A Harry Potter Fanfiction)

Chapter XLVI

Number 12, Grimmauld Place, London, England, Great Britain

Monday the 19th of July 1995

9:10 PM

"Sirius?"

Sirius looked up, quickly, wiping his eyes as Maya looked at him, curiously. Her bright blue eyes didn't shine with pity so it made it a little better for Sirius. Maya walked into the drawing room and sank onto the floor next to Sirius. He was gripping the piece of parchment, tightly and Maya touched his cheek.

"Sirius? Tell me what's wrong," Maya said, softly. Sirius said nothing. He all but threw the piece of parchment at her. Maya looked down at the parchment and skimmed it quickly.

She looked back up at Sirius, her eyes showing the understanding she felt. Maya looked at the man in front of her and sighed. She had never seen him cry or feel sad. He never showed his sadness. Even when he was distressed over Bella's meetings with Grindelwald, he never cried or gave in to the anger and stress.

But over the past few days, Sirius had blown up at anything and everything. During an Order meeting, he had to be physically restrained when Tom had sauntered in as if nothing was wrong. And then Tom had made snide remarks and every time someone said Bella's name, Tom would give Sirius sly looks.

Then Snape made a remark on Sirius' short fuse and it was hell on Earth.

"What about this letter bothers you, Siri?" asked Maya, softly. Sirius shook his head and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"It's…it's nothing, Maya. I've got it under control."

"No, you don't. You don't have to be embarrassed or strong, Sirius. It's only us. Hermione's not here. Bella's not here either. You don't have to hide from me," Maya said, quietly. Sirius took a shuddering breath.

"My little girl…Bella…she loves him. She loves him. Or at the very least, cares for him. He's Dark. I don't care what Dumbledore says. He's worst than Snape! He made me think that he was using her. Raping her. For his own sick amusement!" Sirius spat. Maya leaned her head on Sirius' shoulder and sighed.

"Bella isn't a little girl anymore. And Sirius, Professor Riddle is…different. And Bella cares for him. A lot. You can see it. You saw how she relied on him. How she was dependant on him. If you love your goddaughter—" Maya started. Sirius sat up, quickly and Maya fell against the couch. Sirius was looking at her in annoyance.

"Of course, I love her!"

"I never said you didn't. I know you love her. She loves you too. But, Riddle cares for her too. He was baiting you, Sirius. Don't you see? He does it to Bella too. He was testing you. I don't know why but he was testing you," Maya said, soothingly. Sirius leaned his head on Maya's shoulder. Tears were falling from his eyes still. Maya stroked his hair.

"What's wrong now, Sirius?"

"I feel like I've failed Lily and James. Again."

Maya froze and she looked down at the man next to her. She wrapped her arms around Sirius as he sobbed into her shoulder. She kissed his forehead as he shook.

"No, Sirius…no…"

"I couldn't keep them safe. I…I was their Secret Keeper. The Fidelius Charm…it kept their position…secret. Only…only…I could…say where they were," Sirius sobbed. Maya nodded and didn't hush him. She knew this was something he needed to say.