Tahimik lang kami habang patuloy pa rin akong dinadala ni Vince papunta sa kung saan.
Imbes na magtanong, tinignan ko ang paligid at napangiti nang makitang napaka-pamilyar ng lugar na 'to. Sinulit ko ang pagkakataong magkahawak-kamay pa kami. Alam kong para sa kaniya e normal lang 'to sa'ming dalawa, pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang kiligin. Feeling ko nga sasabog na ang mga pisngi ko sa sobrang pamumula at panginginit.
"You still remember this place?"
Nagulat ako nang humarap siya sa'kin. Napatingin naman ako sa may harapan namin. Ano ba 'yan, 'di ko man lang napansin na nakarating na pala kami.
I smiled. "Of course, ito kaya ang paboritong tambayan natin."
Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang nasa harapan namin. Isa itong abandonadong gusali na natuklasan namin nang minsan kaming hinabol ng mga aso sa daan. Napatawa ako bigla habang inaalala ang panahong 'yon.
"You're reminiscing, I see."
The moment our eyes met, I immediately knew we are both genuinely happy. We both have these big smiles on our face, I can see his eyes almost sparkling because of joy.
It was so perfect.. or so I thought.
Nang mapatitig ako sa mga bughaw niyang mata, alam kong masisira ko na naman ang kasiyahan na aming nadarama. And I was right.
"I love you."
I watched as the smile on his face gradually fade. The joy in his eyes isn't there anymore.
"I still love you, Vince."
He struggled to prevent his tears from falling. I slightly smiled as I caressed the side of his face. He held my hand and leaned to it as if feeling the warmth of my palm.
"Monette. ." Hirap na hirap siyang tignan. I shushed him and nodded a few times to tell him that I understand. I completely understand why he reacted that way.
I tightly closed my eyes when it started to sting. Binawi ko ang kamay ko at nagsimulang maglakad palayo. Habang naglalakad, nagsimula nang magbagsakan ang mga masasaganang luha mula sa mga mata ko. Dali-dali ko itong pinunasan dahil hindi na ako makakita ng maayos. Sinubukan kong kumurap-kurap at baka sakaling maibsan ang pagtulo ng luha pero wala, tuloy-tuloy talaga ang agos nito.
I was stopped on my track when someone hugged me from behind. I gasped for air. Hindi masyadong mahigpit ang pagkakayakap niya sa akin pero pakiramdam ko kinakapos ako ng hangin. Kahit gustung-gusto ko ang pakiramdam na 'to, ang makulong sa mga bisig ng mahal ko, ay mas pinili kong tanggapin ang katotohanan.
Saglit kaming nanatili sa gano'ng posisyon. Pinakalma ko muna ang sarili ko mula sa pag-iyak saka ako nagsalita.
"Vince, please. . Stop giving me false hopes. Don't make me think you still love me. Ang sakit na, Vince. Ayoko na. Kung di mo na ako mahal talaga, pakiusap. . hayaan mo akong makalaya."
Nakaramdam ako ng tubig na pumatak. Hindi, hindi ito ulan. Hindi pwedeng ulan 'to dahil tirik pa ang araw.
Saka ko napagtantong pareho na pala kaming umiiyak. Ayoko ng ganito. Ayokong umiiyak siya dahil sa'kin. Mas nasasaktan ako kapag nasasaktan siya.
Kumapit ako sa mga brasong nakayakap sa akin. Ngunit imbes na pahigpitin ang yakap, inalis ko ito mula sa pagkakahulagpos sa katawan ko. Kung hindi niya ako kayang pakawalan, ako na mismo ang magpapalaya sa sarili ko.
Unti-unti rin naman siyang bumitaw at nang tuluyang kumawala, agad na akong tumakbo palayo. Hindi na ako lumingon pabalik. Natatakot akong kapag nilingon ko pa siya, lumuhod ako sa harapan niya't magmakaawang tanggapin akong muli.
Nang makalayo ay huminto ako sa pagtakbo. I tried to catch my breath but I ended up sobbing. God, kelan ba mauubos 'tong mga luha ko?
--
I don't how I did it, but I somehow managed to get home safely. Good thing the house was empty. I'm not in the mood for some interrogation.
Kaagad akong umakyat sa'king kuwarto. I jumped on my bed as I felt drowsy. Ang bigat ng mga talukap ko. And before I knew it, I was fast asleep.
I woke up with an aching head and a growling stomach. Sakto namang may kumatok sa pintuan ko.
"Darling, are you awake? May I come in? I have food with me." I smiled when I heard mom's solemn voice.
"It's open, ma." I responded while sitting up.
When the door opened, I was welcomed with a warm smile. As soon as I smelled the food, my stomach growled so loud. A slight chuckle escaped momma's mouth.
"Dinner in bed?" I tried to joke to hide my embarrassment.
Nilapag ni mama ang pagkain sa bedside table ko. Agad akong natakam kang nanuot sa ilong ko ang bango nito.
"This looks awfully delicious, ma. I'm so lucky, am I not?"
Napatingin ako sa gawi ni mama nang hindi ito tumugon. She reached for my face and carefully caressed my undereye.
"You've been crying, weren't you?" I closed my eyes as she continued to caress my face. She held me so softly, as if thinking I could break in any second.
If it wasn't for her who hugged me and started hushing, I wouldn't notice I was already crying.
I'm not a softie. In fact, I hate showing vulnerability. Because by then, people will use it against you.
But momma's different. No matter how much I put up a defense, I always find the walls breaking into pieces.
I hugged her tightly. I let my guards down, this is my mother after all. A mother can never betray you. A mother can never hurt you, or use your vulnerability against you, unlike other people will do.
Nilabas ko lahat ng luhang kayang ilabas ng mga mata ko. Nang medyo huminahon, kumalas na si mama sa yakap.
"Eat up, then we'll talk." Tumango lang ako at nagsimula nang kumain. Pansamantalang nabaling ang atensyon ko sa pagkain. When I finished, she gave me time until I was ready to tell her what happened.
Humugot ako ng isang malalim na hininga, saka ito dahan-dahang binuga. She waited patiently for me to talk. The look on her face showed that she already had an idea. And when I told her everything, that confirmed her assumption.
Unlike what others may assume, momma didn't say some cliché advices for my broken heart. She knew better than that, she's my mother after all.
"Netflix and chill?" She winked at me. I can't help but smile. I got the best mom ever.
