THE RELIC GUILD (and other stories) Updated regularly.

THE KINGS OF BRAN'S CAULDRON (part 1 of 10)

BRIAN I: Robbing Graves

Brian held a cup of expensive coffee in one hand while the other was deep in his jacket pocket, toying with a business card. He sat on a leather-covered stool at the end of a long, marble-topped breakfast bar. He waited as his client scoured the brochure with an expression he'd seen a hundred times on a hundred faces. Too many details, the frown said, just give me an end product.
"Hmm," she eventually sighed. "What if I wanted a Presley-Kidman cross? How much would that cost me?"
Brian gave his most professional smile. "Unfortunately, that can't be achieved, Mrs Moore."
She lifted the brochure and pointed at it. "But it says in here you can merge donors to produce ... a Cross Child, is it?"
"A Cross Star, yes that's true. But with the donors available from the Doppelganger packages, we're working with DNA alone. What you get is an exact clone of the donor, Mrs Moore, regardless of whose sperm or ovum is used. Incorporating the Nicole Kidman package would be expensive and pointless. It's all in the brochure."
"I see." She pursed her lips. "Maybe I'll just stick with the Presley package, then."
Brian felt his smile crack, and hid it behind a sip of coffee. "Ordinarily, Mrs Moore, that wouldn't be a problem. But as I've already explained, all our Doppelgangers are presently off the market."
"Oh, yes, I remember now." She waved her hand apologetically. "Some legal wrangle, wasn't it?"
"With the families of the DNA donors, yes; there's a technicality in the contracts for image rights. We hope it'll be cleared up soon, but until then ..." Brian shrugged, and looked sheepish. "I'm sure you understand."
"Yes. Yes, of course." She returned to the list of names, and clicked her long fingernails on the marble top. "But Nicole Kidman is still an option?"
"Absolutely," Brian assured her. "In fact, two thirds of our packages come from the Prime Time generation, so there are plenty more donors there. Perhaps you'd be interested in crossing with another star of the same era?"
Her eyes thoughtful, she ran a finger down a list of names in the brochure. "Perhaps Orlando Bloom," she pondered. "But maybe not. I really want someone manlier, someone with a bit of bite ... Is Russell Crowe available?"
Brian shook his head. "We do have a contract with Mr Crowe, but we won't control his image rights until he, ah, passes on. Presently, he's alive and well."
"Really? He must be ancient."
"Seventy-four, the last I heard."
"That's a shame."
Brian gave a small cough, and sipped his coffee again. "There is a waiting list I could add your name to," he suggested, "but there's no guarantee as to how long you'd actually have to wait."
She pursed her lips. "No, I don't think so."
"Well, Orlando Bloom is available. How about a Kidman-Bloom Cross Star?"
She raised an eyebrow, and then made a small noise of delight. "Yes. Yes, that's growing on me," she said. "How much and how soon?"
Brian snapped opened his briefcase. "Let me do some figures, and we'll go from there."

Thank you for reading. If you're enjoying the story, please remember to vote. I try my best to reply to all comments, and questions are always welcome.