big daddy matty

brash cash $$$

   I formally skrt up to the mall on my pink hello kitty razor scooter. Everyone around me stops and stares. While rolling my eyes into their deep set sockets I think to myself, "They're so jealous omg!! Can they make it anymore obvious???". I park my whip, "Beep beep" it proudly states as I use my keys to lock it. I strut through the glass sliding doors of the mall entryway imagining how nice it would be to ride my pink hello kitty razor scooter through them... While lost in my fantasies I find myself entering Spencers, instinctively heading to the rear end of the shop. Suddenly I hear someone calling me from below, "Howdy madam! You look exquisitely special today!". I turn looking down only to see my compressed friend, Nicole. "Hello lassie! What a pleasure to run into you in this here section of the store! Are you shopping for yourself?", I say proudly while noticing the saddle in her hand. "Why yes! My other one just broke!", Nicole purrs while flipping her blonde locks, reminiscing on her recent experiences. We approach the cash registers to see a lanky dark haired lad, the name tag reading kyleruwu. "Strange", we think to ourselves. "Just the saddle today ma'am?", he nickers. "Yes that would be all", Nicole neighs. Kyler gives Nicole the TikTok up down stare while she pays. "Would you like a bag?", he shrieks. "No", Nicole states strongly before grasping the saddle and aggressively walking away. We look to the north west only to see a dark curly haired girly, Nina, skipping out of Lululemon with two other fine lads, Jerica aka WolfGurlRawr XD, and Dimitra, a delicious dark brown haired lassie. "How's your arthritis?", I interrogate Dimitra with my eyes bulging out of my skull. "Absolutely splendid! My goat just licked all my bones so they are nice and oiled!", Dimitra boasted. Nina drops her 15 Lululemon bags onto the floor, "Fuck not again", she sighs. "Let's go to Bath and Body Works!", WolfGurlRawr XD suggests, "I want to snort the candles!". And so we voyaged 3 feet to Bath and Body Works. Whilst sniffing lotions, Nicole and I were greeted by a young fellow whomst I recognized from class, it was in fact Tyler Brash. "Sir can I help you find something? Sir can I help you find something? Sir can I help you find something? Sir can I help you find something? Sir can I help..." Nicole repeats. "There's just so many options huh", Tyler states. "Uhu" Nicole purrs before Tyler says, "Like I want a cherry blossom one, a sugar cookie one, it's just so hard to choose from". "Uhu..." Nicole pauses to add dramatic effect, "Which one would you rather beat your dick with?". "No! No this is not for me!", Tyler responds defensively. "Oh it's not...?" "It's my mom's birthday so I just thought I'd get her a couple lotions ya know." "Is your mom Caitlyn Jenner?" "Yeah." "Oh really? Thats cool." "I mean you're a girl..." "Uhu" "...I think your advice would help me out a lot right now. I suck at this", Tyler expresses in utter sadness and depression. "Uhu" "Ok, my name's Tyler by the way...", these words roll off Tyler's slithery snake tongue as he checks my fellow pal Nicole out. Nicole lets out a MONSTROUS SHRILL before Tyler proceeds, "Yeah I think I'll get her that one, thank you". "You're welcome", Nicole kindly responds before aggressively backing away like a gremlin. We continue our journey through Bath and Body Works as I share my experiences with Matty B in the back alley earlier that fine day. "I need to assuage these urges, I don't know what to do. I can't be falling for the bad boy, Matty B Raps", I say as I lick a tear off my cheek. My kind friends supported me through it all (awh too cute). We ventured through the mall, voyaging to the splendid food court. We stroll directly to Taco Bell, Nina leaps onto the counter and bats her eyelashes while growling, "May I place this here order of horse meat tacos and put a lil bit of your own in there too". The worker is absolutely bamboozled, flabbergasted and bewildered by her request, shedding a tear as he retreats to the kitchen. Minutes later he returns bleeding from his now missing ear. "I did just as you requested madam", the worker says before passing out landing flat on his face. Courageously Nina steps over his limp body to retrieve our precious delicacies. After, I take the lead, making my way over to the last open table in this vast environment only to witness a family of 7.3 approaching it's general vicinity. I quicken my pace, determined to retrieve my well deserved table. The family does the same, yet I ninja jump over all of them and sprawl out across the table and all of it's chairs. My friends take a seat and we begin our feast. Next to me I witness a strange girl yelling at no one but herself. Her black and red hair is messy laying on her shoulders. "Golly gee! Where's your bra?!", Nicole exclaims. The girl produces a petrifying glare of death, staring Nicole down for 3 hours before hacking up a hair ball onto the table in front of her and simply walking away. The free table stood unoccupied until a lanky, muscular, brown haired fellow seats himself. I shift my eyeBALLS in his general direction only to find his eyeBALLS staring back at mine. "You have really nice corneas", the young man barks.