Words I Never Said

a letter to you

I have changed everything about myself because I thought I needed to. I changed how I looked and how I portrayed myself to people because I wasn't good enough in my own eyes. I felt that I wasn't pretty enough for anyone. Except you, you were the one that made me feel like the prettiest girl in the world. You made me call myself beautiful and nobody, and I mean nobody, ever said that to me. That's why I never believed you until you finally got me to call myself beautiful. When we talked I felt like the happiest girl in the world because you made me feel like an absolute queen. You are the perfect guy and every girl in this world deserves someone like you. It was a perfect relationship until it wasn't.

I screwed it up. I told you a lie because everything in my world was falling apart and you were the only thing left that I could destroy. I didn't even think that it would hurt you because I figured the whole thing was just a game. My head told me that you didn't care and I listened burning my last support bridge that I had. And now... well now I don't have any bridges. I'm on my own island all alone with on escape.

I don't trust anyone anymore. I want to trust someone and the only person that I think about that I could ever trust is you.

I just want to be happy and spend the rest of my life with someone who will make me feel amazing and loved. Someone who will make me feel like a queen. You. I want you. And now I realize that I won't have you again. You are gone from my love forever and it is all my fault and I know that. I know that. I think about you a lot. It is probably unhealthy but you are the only thing that gets me through my day. That possible text that I might get and that if I do end myself and you text that you wouldn't know that I'm gone. You are everything to me.

But you will never know any of this. You won't know that I wrote this entire thing out because I am not going to send this to you.

I'm sorry.