Amortentia

Part 25

When he got back to the common room his friends were sitting near the fire, Mike had brought out his chess set and he and Sara where playing each other. Greg was sitting in an armchair, watching, probably waiting for his turn to play. When John stepped through the portrait hole they stopped what they were doing and looked at him expectantly.
“Well?” They asked their voices hopeful.
“Well what?” John asked, sinking into the other armchair.
“How’d it go?” Greg asked.
“I made the potion successfully, but he’s still a creep.” John decided.
“No he isn’t!” Sara demanded, a little bit harsher than planned.
“He sat right next to me, watching me while I made the potion.” John pointed out.
“What was he supposed to do?” Mike asked.
“I don’t know sit at his desk and ignore me?”
“What type of professor does that?” Greg debated.
“A normal one! He taught me how to get the slime from a snail easier though, that helped.” John shrugged.
“Maybe he’s just not good with people.” Sara pointed out. She was obviously biting her tongue, trying not to say anything too important.
“Does he stare at you too?” John asked.
“No.” she admitted.
 “Well that’s why he doesn’t scare you!”
“Anything else happen?” Mike asked.
“When I was leaving, the look in his eyes, I felt like I needed to put him on suicide watch, he looked so depressed, any idea why that would be?” John asked. His friends looked so conflicted at the moment, as if they didn’t know what to say. John had a feeling they knew why Holmes was so creepy towards him, but Dumbledore had told them not to tell him, for some reason John didn’t understand.
“Haven’t the faintest.” Greg shrugged. John sunk lower in his armchair, having the worst day ever so far. Tomorrow would prove to be a bit better though, he didn’t have potions, but he did have Defense Against the Dark Arts, which meant they get to battle a boggart, and he had quidditch, the first practice that he’d remember. John watched Sara and Mike continue their chess game, which Mike won, of course. Somehow Mike always won chess. When nine o’clock came around, John went up to bed alone again, not so much tired but he wanted to get memories back in his dreams, anything that could help him figure things out. He changed into his pajamas and slipped under the covers, lying awake in bed and just thinking. He couldn’t get his mind past Professor Holmes, as much as he creeped him out, he felt sorry for him, whatever tragedy had happened to him it must have been bad. The saddest thing to ever happen to John is when his hamster died, when he was still going to Muggle School. He wondered what could have happened to someone so young that could make him seem to have centuries of sadness in his eyes. His friends were also acting weird whenever his name was brought up, as if they expected him to know something he just didn’t. The memory charm was making his life so difficult, he would do anything to have not gotten hit with that spell, find the culprit, and maybe somehow get his memories back. John fell asleep with the hope of maybe getting his life back, and in his dreams he had a microscopic bit of that life. He could feel a cold wind, as if he was outside at night, and he could hear crickets. He couldn’t see anything, which was a major fault in the memory, but then the cold wind disappeared and his entire body lit up with warmth and happiness, just like last time.

                This time John woke up by himself, almost on time, which he was happy for of course. Greg and the other boys were just starting to stir, the sun was up and he could hear birds chirping outside. The roses in the window were still there, but they looked worse, wilted more. He knew he should throw them out, they no longer looked pretty, they looked dead, as if the happy memory of them had died along with them. John got up and yawned, changing into his robes and heading down to the common room with his bag, ready for a good day. He got out his schedule, which said he had Transfiguration, then Charms, then History of Magic and finally Defense Against the Dark Arts.  So a pretty rubbish day to be honest, up until the boggart. When his friends joined him in the common room, they went down to the Great Hall together, which was just starting to fill up with students. They sat down at the table and started to load their plates up with food. John noticed Holmes come in from the staff entrance, go right to his seat, and sit down, but he didn’t take any food, he just stared at the plate as if he didn’t see a point in eating.
“Hey guys, did I ask Mary out before?” John asked, not expecting an answer.
“No.” Greg said, surprising John.
“Were we ever together?” John asked.
“No.” Greg repeated.
“Do you think I should go for it? I mean, I’m kind of a war hero.” John said with a sarcastic smile.
“Where are you going to take her?” Sara pointed out.
“I don’t know; just ask if she wants to be my girlfriend.” John shrugged. He didn’t know where the sudden ambition came from. His friends were looking at each other desperately, as if deciding what to say through nonverbal conversation.
“I think she’s already going out with someone.” Mike said quickly.
“Who?” John asked, disappointed.
“Oh, I don’t know someone.” Greg agreed.
“What does he look like?” John asked, sensing a lie.
“Brown hair.” Sara said.
“Black hair.” Greg also said.
“Dreadlocks.” Mike said at the same time as the other two. John smiled, they were joking then, and Mary was available.
“You liars.” John laughed. They all forced laughs, as if agreeing with him even if they didn’t want to. “Maybe I’ll ask her tonight.”
“Why all the sudden?” Sara asked.
“This is not sudden, I’ve liked her for six years, and I’m realizing now how precious life is, you could have the best time of your life and then completely forget!” John exclaimed.
“You’ve got that right.” Greg muttered.
“I don’t know John, maybe you should wait.” Mike said.
“I’ve done my waiting.” John decided. He saw a pack of Ravenclaws come into the Great Hall, all talking and laughing. In the middle of that pack, he could see, was Mary.
“There she is right now!” John exclaimed.
“Just wait until tomorrow.” Greg said quickly.
“No, I’ll ask her after breakfast.” John said confidently.
“No!” Sara said loudly, making some of the Gryffindors stop what they were doing to look at them. John looked at them as if they were crazy, which they were. Why didn’t they want him to ask her out, this has been his dream for a while, and they always supported him?
“Why not?” John hissed, annoyed at them.
“Just, don’t.” Greg begged.
“Guys, this is my chance to be happy!” John said.
“You’ve been happy before, you just don’t remember it!” Sara said, and immediately covering her mouth with her hands. John looked at her with curiosity.
“What do you mean by that?” John asked suspiciously.
“Nothing, she’s lying.” Greg said quickly.
“Obviously not, who was I happy with?” John asked.
“You were okay with being single, you gave up Mary, you were so much happier.” Sara said quickly, covering her tracks up pathetically.
“But what if they come back, wipe my memory again, what if they kill me? Dumbledore said I could be in some type of danger, and I’m not going to sulk around when I can do something good with my life.” John decided.
“John don’t!” Mike insisted. They all knew the same thing, there was something John was missing, but they couldn’t tell him, for some reason, he wasn’t allowed to know who he loved. He got up from the table, his friend’s protests calling after him, but he walked bravely over to the Ravenclaw table, where Mary and her friends were sitting, eating breakfast.
“Mary?” John asked. She turned around in her seat, her beautiful blonde hair falling around her shoulders.
“Yes, John is it?” She asked. All of her friends were dead silent now, watching, as were his friends, siting at their table praying she’d say no for some reason.
“I was wondering if you wanted to be my girlfriend.” John said confidently, not showing any signs of weakness. Mary looked shocked, but nodded yes, making John smile, he now had purpose in his life, he had gotten the one thing that he had so wanted, he got Mary.
“Of course.” She agreed.
“Thank you.” John said, and practically skipped away to his friends, who were watching from between their fingers.
“Well?” Sara murmured.
“She said yes!” John exclaimed, wanting to leap for joy. Greg’s head thumped onto the table. John looked at them with disbelief, these are his friends, and they were supposed to support his relationships, not groan and act all sorry for themselves.
“What are you lot so upset about, I thought you wanted me to go out with Mary, we agreed next year would be the year!” John hissed, his happy mood faltering.
“John, we can’t tell you, you have to figure it out on you own.” Mike groaned.
“Maybe if you go HOME you’ll find out.” Sara decided.
“Maybe you should go to multiple HOLMES.” Greg agreed. John looked at them blankly, wondering if he should take them to a therapist or not.
“You guys are idiots.” He decided, grabbed his bag, and stormed up to his first class, which was Transfiguration, with McGonagall. He wracked his brain to remember who was in his Defense Against the Dark Arts class, which house they shared it with. If he was right, he could swear it was the Ravenclaws, which meant Mary. He smiled; he actually had Mary as his girlfriend, his crush since forever, had actually said yes to him. John walked into Transfiguration with a huge smile on his face, which might have been a little bit weird. McGonagall was sitting at her desk, grading papers; he was the first one there.
“Good morning Mr. Watson.” McGonagall said.
“Very good.” John agreed, humming to himself as he got his books out and arranged them on his desk neatly. McGonagall looked up from her paper with curiosity, a little bit of worry too.
“What are you so happy about?” She asked. John debated whether or not to tell her, she was a teacher after all, that was really weird.
“I got a girlfriend.” John answered. He could swear that was not the answer McGonagall was looking for, because she looked down at the paper again.
“That’s nice.” She muttered. John waiting for the rest of the class to arrive, Greg sitting down next to him, watching him with worry, as if wondering what in the world he was doing with his life. 
“Dude, I know you’re happy, but don’t make it too obvious, we don’t want to tell the whole world she actually said yes.” Greg whispered over.
“And why shouldn’t they know?” John asked.
“You are so oblivious to everything aren’t you?” Greg muttered. McGonagall interrupted their conversation with the beginning of class, talking about the lesson and practice they were doing. They were all handed different types of small animals and forced to turn them into water goblets, which John was rubbish at, of course. When McGonagall collected his still scaly lizard cup, she looked down at him with disapproval.
“If you hadn’t lost your memory this would be serious points off.” She said to him. He smiled innocently, and she walked back to her desk swiftly, as if she also knew how incredibly oblivious he was to everything. When that was over, they practiced simple hover charms in Charms, floating random objects around the room. Someone in the class was levitating Professor Flitwick around the room, since he was only about three feet tall, to the amusement of the class and the annoyance of the professor. John was floating his book stack into the air and back again, bored with the simple spell. Greg was making two quills drum on the desks, which in the beginning was cool, but after a while the dull taps drove John slightly insane. When that class was finally over they ate a quick lunch and headed off to History of Magic, where nothing interesting happened at all. Professor Binns talked. And talked. In the same tone. For an hour and a half. John was about to hit his head off the desk just for something to do, but finally he dismissed the class to Defense against the Dark Arts.
“We’re doing boggarts today, Professor Tonks said so.” John whispered excitedly to his friends as they made their way down the hall to the classroom. The rest of the Gryffindors were all talking excitedly, all wondering the same thing, what their greatest fear was. John guessed his would be a werewolf or something, someone that had been attacked by him or something. He didn’t want the whole class to see that, but he didn’t really care at the moment, they’d just think he’s scared of dead people or something. The door was open when they got there and Professor Tonks had moved a huge wardrobe to the middle of the room, a wardrobe that was shaking violently, as if something was trapped inside and wanted to get out desperately. Tonks herself was standing proudly next to it, as if she had caught it herself.
“Don’t bother sitting down, make a line in front of the wardrobe!” She announced when everyone had come in. John spotted Mary from across the room, and he smiled at her. To his enormous relief she smiled back at him. John found himself and his friends in the middle of the line, waiting for Tonks to open the wardrobe and reveal the boggart.
“Everyone remember the spell?” Tonks asked. They all nodded, Riddikulus. Turn your biggest fear into something funny, make people laugh, make the boggart weak. John hoped he would be able to fight the boggart himself, and no one had killed it beforehand.
“Ready?” Tonks asked the first person, an excited looking Ravenclaw, who was bouncing back and forth on his feet, wand at the ready. Tonks tapped the doorknob with her wand and the door swung open. There was a gigantic spider, it’s legs folding out of the wardrobe, crawling slowly out. Its mouth was foaming and its pinchers snapping at the student, who had frozen, trying to make the spider funny.
“Riddikulus!” He yelled, and the spider’s legs twisted together, making it lose its balance, crashing to the floor with a bang. John laughed with the rest of the class as the triumphant student moved out of the way, letting a Gryffindor girl go. When she got up, the spider froze, and twisted into a blur of color and sound, until a single, bloodshot, giant eye was sitting in the middle of the floor. The girl didn’t even look effected as she said the spell, making the pupil spin out of control and fizzing sounds, making the class laugh. The next person, the next person, spin, fear, Riddikulus, laughter, it was the same old same old, and then John stepped up to the boggart, which was right now a zombie that was break dancing. It stopped, looked at John, and twisted around in a blur of colors. Then a figure was standing in the middle of the room, with dark curly hair and pale skin, Professor Holmes. His hand was over his heart, and scarlet blood was pouring out from behind, as if he was stabbed or something. There was blood coming out of his mouth too, as if it was overflowing into his throat. He stumbled forward, closer to John, who froze, paralyzed with fear and confusion.
“Jo…hn?” Holmes said, falling forward, one hand shooting out as if to hold onto John, but he fell to the ground in a heap.
“The spell John, the spell!” Tonks yelled. John had no idea how to make this scene funny, one of their Professors dying on the floor, blood pooling underneath. His outstretched hand twitched one final time, and Greg jumped in front of John, making the dead body turn into a gigantic dog with sharp teeth. John just stood where he had been his wand clutched in his hand, staring at the floor where the body had been, where the blood had almost touched his feet. Why was that his biggest fear? Some Professor dying, so what? It didn’t make any sense, why would John care that much about Holmes?
“Come on John, come here.” Sara said, pulling him away from the line of students and letting him sink into a desk chair. He looked up at her to see tears on her face.
“Why was that my biggest fear?” John demanded.
“I don’t know!” Sara insisted, and for once he actually believed her, she had no idea, he had no idea. He spent the rest of the class staring at the wall of the classroom, completely lost in his thoughts, struggling to find his thoughts. When the class was dismissed though, Mary came up to him, waving her friends off.
“Are you okay John?” She asked, she sounded worried.
“I have no idea.” He admitted. Even looking up at her didn’t cheer him up; even when she took his hand and helped him up out of the chair his mood didn’t change. Something wasn’t right. John went to dinner, Mary holding his hand down the hall until they had to split apart to go to their separate house tables. John said goodbye rather awkwardly, not wanting her to leave him, but knowing that she had to. He looked up at the staff table, where Professor Holmes sat, watching him, but as soon as John’s eyes spotted his he looked down at the table abruptly. John sighed and sat down at his table next to his friends, who were all talking about their biggest fears. Sara’s had been a ghost, Mike’s a dementor, but they stopped talking as soon as John sat down next to them, staring absent mindedly at the bowl of mashed potatoes.
“You okay John?” Mike asked.
“No, of course I’m not okay, I’m being kept in the dark about what happened to me, my own history, I have every right to know!” John insisted. 
“Dumbledore said it would damage your mind, force everything back in at once, you have to figure it out by yourself.” Sara insisted.
“Why is my greatest fear Professor Holmes dying?” John demanded.
“So how’d it go with Mary?” Greg asked, completely changing the topic. John stared at him, angry that he would just answer the bloody question.
“Fine.” John hissed. His friends took the message and stopped bothering him, talking about anything other than the boggart and Professor Holmes. John didn’t eat much, he picked at a piece of roast beef, but that was it. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Holmes lying in a pool of blood on the Defense against the Dark Arts classroom floor. Every once and a while he’d look to the staff table, and most times he would see Professor Holmes looking back at him, as if he wanted to go over and talk to John, but there was a barrier preventing him. When John would look up though, he’d look down at his plate, or at the door, anywhere that wasn’t John, he was scared of eye contact or something. John wondered if he had heard about the boggart yet, word travels fast around here, so he probably had. John debated whether or not to go talk to him, but he had no idea what he was supposed to say. Hey, I just came to make sure you were alive, I guess I really care about you but I have no idea why, not creepy at all right? John was 99.9% sure he wasn’t gay, so it’s not like Professor Holmes was his boyfriend before, maybe he was some type of extended family, a friend? He looked at his friends, who were eating silently, but they were watching him with concern, as if he was about to run up to the staff table and interrogate Holmes.
“Eat your dinner John.” Sara insisted, thinking she was his mom or something.
“I’m not hungry.” John complained.
“Fine, starve yourself.” Greg sighed, taking some pudding from a bowl.
“So, are you planning on going anywhere with Mary anytime soon?” Mike asked, even though he obviously didn’t care.
“There’s nowhere to go.” John pointed out.
“Good point, you should dump her.” Greg said with a smile.
“What do you have against Mary?” John asked, and once again they wouldn’t answer him. “All through our Hogwarts years you three have done nothing but pester me about how I should ask her out, and I finally do and you’re demanding I break up with her!”
“We can’t tell you.” Mike insisted.
“What am I supposed to do, ask every girl in the school out and see which one is true love?” John groaned.
“That would be a waste of time.” Sara laughed, but Mike kicked her under the table, making her shut up.
“Yes, it would be a waste of time, so why don’t you save me that time and just tell me already!” John demanded, making some of the people sitting next to them look over in annoyance.
“Maybe we could go to McGonagall, see if she could give us permission.” Sara suggested.
“Why McGonagall?” John asked.
“She’s head of Gryffindor.”
“We should be going to Dumbledore.”
“Let’s start small.” Greg suggested. So after dinner, John and his friends made their way over to McGonagall’s office, knocking on the door nervously.