Song Recommendation: I Think He Knows By: Taylor Swift
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Jin's POV:
Christmas was lonely. Christmas has always been lonely for years. Even in a room filled with people, after a certain age, it's just not the same anymore. I have spent every Christmas with Hoseok since the year he was born but other than that, Christmas is so fucking lonely. So lonely that I can't help but wonder about Namjoon and what he is doing and if he thought about me as much as I thought about him. Thank goodness Christmas was over.
I spent most of my break trying to talk myself out of whatever these feelings for him were. I do not want this or at least I have forced myself to think I do not want this because I am scared. Oh fuck, I am scared shitless. I can't let someone in. I can't let someone find out my secrets. I can't let someone into my fucked-up life. They will leave. He will leave. Namjoon will leave.
Everyone leaves.
I want him to stay. I want him to sit with me, in sweet comforting silence because just his presence is enough. I want him to hold my head and rub his thumb on the back of my hand. I want him to lay with me, arms holding me, listening to me sing off pitch and the wrong lyrics to random songs. I want him to dance around with me and not have a care in the world.
I want him. I want him. For once, I want someone.
We don't let people in, Seokjin. We do not and will not let him in. I have made up my mind. The answer is no. Absolutely not. Never going to happen.
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My cell phone rang, a picture of Namjoon popped up along with his name, Namjoonie. I stared at it and looked back up at Hoseok who was smirking. "Don't ignore it because of me."
I gulped. "Hey," I said answering the phone.
N: Hey, you busy?
S: Sort of, can we talk later?
N: Yeah, we can FaceTime tonight.
S: Huh, it's been a week and you already miss my face.
N: I never said that. Jumping to conclusions is a really bad personality trait.
S: Shut up. Anyways yeah, we can talk later.
I hung up the phone and Hoseok grinned at me. "So, what exactly is going on?"
"Really? How many times do I have to say nothing?"
"It just doesn't seem like nothing, that night after you were upset. Namjoon left, he said he had work, but I've heard other stories too."
"What is the whole campus watching me and Namjoon?"
"Maybe, you know I know a lot of people. People would tell me if they saw you wearing his sweater in the library around the time he's working."
"You know about his sweater. That's not a secret," I rolled my eyes.
"Does he know that you jerked off thinking about him while wearing nothing but his sweater?"
"Shut up, we don't talk about that. It was a very low moment for me."
"Look, all I'm saying is from the things Taehyung said, Namjoon doesn't act that way towards a person unless they're Taehyung himself or a person he's interested in."
"We're just friends. I finally got to the friend stage with him. I like it like this."
"You guys shamelessly flirt, and you think this is a normal friendship?"
"What am I supposed to think? Namjoon has never said he likes me; I gave him what I thought were good hints and he hasn't said anything back."
"Namjoon is smart enough to know you're talking about him, but such a coward to pretend it's not and you know that."
