Torn Between Brothers

Effect of The Confusion.

Today, I am alone. I am reviewing everything I did these past few months. I realize that I am such a bad girlfriend. Dylan doesn’t know anything about what I’m feeling nor Daniel because I don’t want to ruin their relationship. They are brothers. I am just a confused girlfriend. It is not clear to me if Daniel loves me but I know that Dylan does. If I am to choose, who would I prefer? Dylan who proved his love for me for sixteen months or his younger brother whom I fell in love with the moment we spoke at the field trip? For plenty of others, I know that they all think of me as a horrible, unfaithful, and flirtatious girlfriend who happens to fall in love with brothers, real biological brothers. I know that they think that I am destroying the life of Dylan and Daniel. But I couldn’t blame them. If I am to look at myself, I would agree with them. I am ruthless, selfish, inconsistent….

My attention is caught by the abrupt vibration of my cellphone. Dylan sent me a text message. He wants to meet up with me at our park. We used to date there when we’re still fine. We claimed it ours because that is the only place where we could be alone since no one’s dropping by there. I remembered those days when we used to cuddle each other, kiss, laugh together… oh those sweet memories. Now, I’m missing Dylan. Maybe I’m just really confused. Reminiscing the times that I spent with Dylan makes me cry knowing that today isn’t the same as before. I am the problem. I know. I must fix this.

I changed my clothes and then rushed towards our gate. I hopped on my bicycle and drove myself to our park. When I got there, Dylan is sitting on our bench, obviously waiting for me. I jumped off my bike and ran towards him. I embraced him with all my strength and I did not control my tears. They automatically fell the moment I wrapped my arms around my boyfriend.

“Jade,” Dylan softly said as he slowly pushes me away. “Tell me what’s wrong. I need to know. Do you love my brother?”

I got surprised. He’s very straight to the point. I did not expect that he knows what’s going on. Sigh. I sniffed and then wiped my tears. “No.” I said slowly before biting my lips to control them from shaking.

“Are you sure?” A voice said, coming from the back. I quickly turned around because the voice is very familiar. I know exactly who’s behind me.

When I faced the person, I knew I was right. Daniel. The moment I saw him, I lost air. He took my breath away. Suddenly, I felt confused again. When I look at them both, it gets tougher. Tears began to pour again. This time, harder.

“Now,” Dylan started. “I will ask you again.” He is so serious. He did not take away his eyes off me. “Do you love my brother?”

I choked. My breath betrayed me. My cries became louder and the whole world might hear. No matter how shameful I am with what I’m doing, I cannot push myself to stop. I love Daniel… but I also love Dylan. I cannot tell my boyfriend that I love his brother because that could make things worse. Making a wrong decision leads to regret. I could not let that happen. I cannot afford to lose not even one of them. I love them both. But if I have to choose only one, who will I choose?

The sharp piercing silence killed me. My eyes dried up and I stopped crying. They are both staring at me, waiting for my answer. I haven’t decided yet. Time is running. I have to say something.