k-12: the shadows

༺ orange juice ༻

crybaby

crybaby was stood by the far window of the girls' toilets, her back to the door. in her hands was something small and shiny that she was examining in the light with great excitement.

her birthday had been the day prior, and despite being unable to leave their sleepaway school facilities, her friends had done the best to make sure she'd enjoyed it. they'd all gotten together to contribute to a large cake, which greatly excited crybaby, as she hadn't celebrated her birthday at all in years.

on top of that, alexis had given her a present, too; a simple silver ring. crybaby had never held something so beautiful in all her life (apart from alexis, she reasoned with herself), and never wanted to take it off.

alexis was the most important thing in her life.

she heard the first bell ring in the distance, warning that lessons would start in five minutes, and was about to turn and leave when the door creaked open behind her. she heard kelly's voice speaking to someone else, and her first instinct was to hide behind a toilet cubicle door, which she realised too late meant she would hear the whole of their conversation.

this was not her aim; rather, her aim was just to avoid an encounter with kelly.

"...stick it down your throat," she heard kelly say roughly; crybaby blinked in surprise. her surprise turned to disgust as there was a murmur of weak agreement, followed by someone else's pained retching.

there was a few moments of silence before kelly muttered something inaudible to crybaby. the door clicked shut behind kelly, but quiet sobbing could still be heard from the stall furthest from crybaby's, closest to the door.

"h- hey, whoever's in there, are you okay?" crybaby called cautiously, slowly approaching the only closed stall door.

the only response that she got was the crying hastily stopping itself.

"i won't- hurt you, or make you feel bad. i promise," crybaby said earnestly. "you can trust me."

there was a short moment of silence before the cubicle door clicked open.

"lexi?" crybaby said in surprise. "no- isabel?"

the slightly taller girl just nodded, her shoulders shaking as she continued to cry, and dropped to the floor.

crybaby and isabel had never had an actual conversation. both knew of one another thanks to alexis, and that was it. however, seeing someone that her girlfriend cared about so much and spoke so highly of being in pain, crybaby didn't want to do anything but help her.

"hey, what's wrong?" crybaby said soothingly, plopping cross-legged onto the floor beside isabel.

"i- it's kelly," isabel mumbled. "th- this is the last time. i can't go back."

"was that you who... threw up?" crybaby asked gently, not surprised when isabel nodded. "why?"

"it's kelly. it's all kelly, always kelly," isabel said bitterly. "the whole of her group has to look just like her, pretty and blonde and thin. so all we eat is oranges... and then we..."

"you- you turn oranges to orange juice," crybaby nodded in understanding. "but isabel, you're beautiful just the way you are."

"doesn't fucking feel like it," isabel muttered.

there was a moment of silence, in which crybaby took a moment to think about what to say next. she could vaguely hear the bell signalling for class ringing in the distance, but honestly didn't give a shit right now.

after a moment, she stood up and walked over to the full-body mirror on the wall, next to the row of sinks. "come here."

isabel hesitated before doing so, standing up and joining crybaby in staring at their reflections.

"wanna know something i've learned about bodies?" crybaby said quietly, after a pause. "they don't define us. we... aren't our bodies. they're just temporary. i know it seems impossible, but- try not to expect shallow people to love you. they don't even have the capacity to understand how amazing you are." her hand rubbed isabel's arm soothingly. "and... we all have to learn how to love ourselves without the approval of others."

"i know," isabel exhaled. "it's just extremely overwhelming when everyone around you is making you feel like you're not good enough- as if... you're not deserving of the same kind of love."

"everyone's deserving of love," crybaby promised softly. "everyone."

"thank you," isabel said after a moment. "and, speaking of love-" she leaned in. "i think you and alexis are perfect together."

"wait- what?" crybaby blinked in confusion. she and alexis had both been careful to make sure that no one outside of their friendship group was aware of their relationship. "how do you know? did she tell you?"

isabel shook her head. "i know i'm not like... you guys. but some things, i just know. and i know you're perfect for her." she smiled genuinely at crybaby, filling the shorter girl's chest with warmth.

"you... really think so?" crybaby asked a little shyly.

"of course!" isabel nodded.

a gap-toothed smile spread across crybaby's face. "come on, i'll introduce you to everyone."

the two girls linked arms, and stumbled out of the bathrooms together, giggling.