His Baby, His Sweetheart, His Little Girl

Ch.15- Little Leverage

A N D R E W
I woke up the next morning sweating. It was so hot in here. The damn heater. I kick the covers off of me and look to my side. Millow didnt leave last night. I guess she was so tired from her breakdown.

I reach over ready to shake her awake. As soon as my body comes in contact with her's, it's like her brain responds and she jolts awake. I jerk my hand back as she looks as me warily. Fuck me.

"Hi..." She says relaxing a bit as I don't make another movement. I sigh and quickly get up from the bed. Her body responds again and I see her scoot farther into the bed jist a little but from the corner of my eye.

"Good morning..." I say a bit more harshly than intended. This morning was obviously not good and I was just tired. I glace at the digital clock on my nightstand and see it's 10. We woke up late too.

I see her little body move towards mine. Im at the door already. She stand near me, but not close.

"I'm gonna...leave this morning. I need a day to myself." She squeaks out. I don't blame her.

"Yeah. Okay." I say, again harshly. Why am I being so mean. I open my bedroom door and quickly walk downstairs. I go into the living room and spot her keys on the table. I pick them up and hand them to an approaching Millow.

She looks taken aback and like she wants to say something. I want her to say whatever it is...even if its rude. She doesn't say anything and takes the keys from my hands. She looks...hurt. Gosh I hope I'm just reading too much into this.

I follow her as she walks into the den and I open the door for her. I watch as she opens her car and gets in. The door closes and I press a button to my side to open the garage door. It opens and she pulls out without one glance at all. I sigh and walk back inside as her car leaves view.

I close the back door and head upstairs. It's gonna be a long day for sure.

M I L L O W

Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me.

I ruined it. I ruined it all haven't I? He doesnt want me right? Even if he does...It will be weird for us.

Why can't I be normal. I wanted to hug him. Maybe even...give him a kiss.

But everytime he touched me my heart beat quickens. My chest becomes tight. My skin tingles...and burns. My sweat glands open. I get terrified. My body goes into fight or flight mode. I always choose flight.

Why though? Why am I scared of him? My mind...I know he isn't bad. But my subconsciousness is afraid of what he will do. But I tell myself he wont do ANYTHING. Yet I'm still petrified. Terrified. Horrified. Hah. Scared.

I turn a corner quickly as my sadness starts turning into anger. If he doesnt want me well fuck him. Fuck him... I don't like the way that sounds. I feel this way and he is just gonna reject me isnt he?

I am so so so glad I hesitated to move in. It's all his fault. He shouldnt have attacked. He shouldnt have... It's my fault. He didnt attack me. I had a PANIC attack. It all my fault. Why do I have to be so...inconsiderate.

Everything is not always about me. Why can't I accept that. If he doesnt want me then thats my fault. I did this to myself. Why the hell did I do this to myself...
--
I slam my door on my way in and throw my keys on the coffee table. I hear the loud clang as I walk down the hallway. I go into the bathroom and immediately grab my tooth brush and toothpaste.

I slather the brush in the minty goop and add water on it. I put the toothbrush into my mouth and move it around cleaning the areas.

I gag as I brush my tongue and then spit out the remaining toothpaste. I rinse my mouth with water and then Listerine. I spit out the Listerine and spit a couple more times as spit evolves from the burning.