Sandwich the Wonder-Dog

Hey everyone! AND THE HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO NATH!!!! I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BEST DAY BECAUSE YOURE THE BEST AND ILY <3 This fic is for her from when she proposed an idea and I kept it this long to surprise her with😈 Please go look at her wonderful, godly art!!! She's an amazing artist and an incredible friend and i'm so happy to know her🧡

Request from Nath (nathvods on twitter, Instagram, and tumblr): what if the dysfunctional fam wants to give the puppy ridiculous names like spider dog and then aunt may comes in and says mini peter or something but peter is too stubborn and insists the name is sandwich and period?

Have fun and stay safe❤🧡💛💚💙💜

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It's been a long, boring patrol considering Friday nights are supposed to be the most eventful. Regardless, Peter sits on the side of a building at a 90° angle absolutely bored out of his mind. He huffs and rests his chin in his palm as Ned and MJ do their best to keep the silence filled. Mostly Ned.

"I'm pretty sure my arm fell asleep in the middle of the night and I got that weird with pins and needles feeling so my brain decided to have a dream where I was being poked with a sea urchin," Ned rambles about the dream he had last night. MJ rolls her eyes and resists the urge to bang her head against the wall. She loves being a part of Team Spidey, but tedious patrols that never seem to end grate on her nerves.

"Or a sea urchin snuck into your room and your brain was trying to tell you so you would wake up," Peter casually offers instead. His head flops to the side along with gravity and his mechanical lenses lower in apathy. Karen has the police scanner and news pulled up on his HUD, but besides that he's simply waiting in an alley for something, anything, to happen. At this point he'd even be willing to wash cars to help pass the time.

"You're right...how could I have been so foolish..." Ned whispers overdramatically, in usual Ned fashion. MJ scoffs, but joins in regardless.

"Sea urchins are notoriously evil," she reminds as if it's a well-known law.

"But they're cute," Peter counters in a whine, dragging out the last word. His breath is visible due to the cold and slowly rises up. He lifts his mask up to the bridge of his nose to let himself breathe a bit easier.

"Yeah," Ned agrees before continuing, "but you can't pet them." Peter gasps indignantly, as if he was just insulted.

"Not every cute thing is meant to be pet."

"Porcupines for example," MJ backs him up. She never necessarily takes a side, she chooses to add in her opinion whenever it comes up. It's an occasional devil's advocate statement here or a matter-of-fact comment there.

"Yeah but you can pet porcupines," Ned shoots right back effortlessly. Peter really hopes this isn't going to be a semantics debate. Part of him wants to end patrol early and go home since it's obvious that nothing's happening, but the other part of him is too prideful to end before 8 pm. May and Tony would probably be ecstatic...which partly makes him want to stay out longer.

"You can pet with the spikes instead of against them," he points out in a mumble, continuing the borderline pointless conversation. The distinct sound of a can rattling piques his interest. His head shoots up and his mechanical lenses widen.

"You say that like you can't pet individual urchin spikes," MJ continues the deliberation having not heard the noise on Peter's end.

"Yeah, but do they like being pet is the real question," Ned proposes as Peter cranes his head to see the past the dumpster and piles of trash bags. No one could be hiding back there, there's no space, Peter ponders, but pulls his mask down the rest of the way. Just in case. Though, his Spidey Sense isn't going off, so that's a good sign? "Plants like being pet, that's scientifically proven."