That was the Summer

9) Footprints

"Marcie," His voice comes out in a hushed whisper as he takes steps back.  He digs his toes into the soft damp sand behind him, "I'm so sorry."  There they are; the words I never wanted to hear.  Those are the words that forever tighten, restricting my breath, "Marcie!  I'm sorry but I don't like you like that.  I'm so, so sorry!"  He suffocates me with apologies.  I can't speak for several moments.

"Ehh, It's okay," I find myself saying between wavered breaths, "I knew this day would come.  I knew it for years... so I was prepared for it."  Somewhat prepared is what I really meant.  His words had really dug deep and made my legs feel like they're going to give out and I'd collapse at any moment.  But he wouldn't know that. "We're different people, I guess.  Even though we're close we'll always be... different, unalike, and mismatched."  His painful expression turned to a form of anger, like, how dare I say these things, "But maybe I'm wrong and in the future things will be different, but for now...?  It was really nice growing up with you.  You've always been an amazing person and I will always appreciate you."  I beamed at him even though on the inside I was crying and screaming.  I was slamming my fists on the sand and yelling that it wasn't fair.

"Why are you talking this way?"  Shotaro growls at me, "Like this is it?  This is where all our years end?  It's doesn't have to be this way.  We can always be beach buddies, we can always play sports. watch Netflix, and play video games together!"

"We both know we won't look at each other the same way," I say gazing out to the horizon as tears well up in my eyes, "Whenever you look at me from now on, you will always remember this moment.  When I look at you, I'll do the same."  He's silent, angry and distraught but there wasn't anything I could do for him, "I don't want that.  I don't want this."  I listen as his breathing sharpens beside me, sucking in air through his teeth.

"Why'd you have to do this?  Why'd you have to say that?"  Shotaro whispers backing away, "You're right, you've ruined us!" I know he didn't want to say that but it's easier for him to be angry then to throw 'his masculinity' to the wind and cry, "If this is what it's going to be then fine.  So be it."

            "You're a good person," I tell him letting tears slip, "An amazing one actually."  He scoffs and I watch, out of the corner of my eye, as he clenches his fists.  In one swift movement he turns around and begins to walk away.  I glare at his feet as he continues to walk.  His heels sink into the sand but those footprints are washed out of my life when another wave comes and makes the sand smooth again.

"I'll be alright, won't I?"  I look to the bleak horizon and wipe my eyes with my wrist.  My breathing wavers and my heart jerks itself around inside of me. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine.  Marcie, pull yourself together," I scold myself.

That was the summer I tasted rejection and didn't know what to do with it, so I threw friendship away with not a moment's thought.  I let Shotaro go.  I let him slip through my fingers like the sea water we surfed on.  Now, as I look back I sometimes regret pushing him away and not attempting friendship... but then I found I was right, even to this day in our family gathering and reunions Shotaro and I glance towards each other, that day written in our eyes, thinking, just wishing, things could have been different.

I will always love Shotaro, to me he is the essence of kindness, gentleness, strength, happiness, bravery, courage, selflessness, and sympathy.  I'm sure we both like to believe we're still friends, clinging to the good times when things weren't confusing.

In the end, after I was rejected, the summer was spent in the lonely confines of our own houses.  Not two weeks before school, Shotaro's and his family moved to Hawaii along with Mr. Yasakawa's company.  I cried that day, and I didn't know why.  We finished high school getting each other's family photos every Christmas with holiday cards, watching each other grow and mature from a distance.  We both moved away to college.  We never talked, we never wrote and that by far severed us the most.  There was no way, that when his family would visit, that we'd be even relatively the same people we were. 

I don't know him anymore.  He doesn't know me.  I like him still but I can't stand to be around him.  I try to force myself to forget, and not feel bad but when I visit home I see him in the dragonflies and praying mantises.  I see him in the sand crabs and the beach flowers.  I see him between the other surfers and dancers.  I see him smiling out the window of his old house.  I hear his Ukulele music down the streets as I fall asleep at night.

Sometimes, you just can't forget things like that.

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I like to thank anyone who read this book.  Realize that it's because of you that this book was finished. I love all of your comments and votes.  They really motivate me to keep writing.  I hope you guys liked this book.  I know it had a sad ending but it was meant to be that way.  If you could have written the ending differently how would it be?

-Skylarksongs 2014