You looked at me from across the room, but I didn't meet your gaze. It had been a while since anyone had noticed me, and I never expected the culprit to be you. You had your life "together", or whatever they tend to call it. You've started a career and you're successful at it. You have a significant other you love dearly, a love I could only imagine. And you travel the world, a task I could only dream of.
I don't understand why you even think of me.
But you do.
It's been a tough few years. The second I tried to be myself I was shut down, and here I am, just going through the motions and praying I get that feeling back. The feeling of happiness I used to find so easily. The only time I seem to have that feeling is when I think of you, but then I remember you've never thought of me.... until now.
I'm stunned, truly unable to process the moment. My heart is too broken to move, my confidence drained after the few years I've had. I've dreamed of your coming for years, I prayed you'd notice me every time I closed my eyes. But now that the moments here, it seems you're too late. My hope drained a while ago, and "just surviving" doesn't lead to spontaneous decisions.
So, just like that, a gaze becomes a memory as you continue on with your day. I look back down at my notes, my frown returning as I realize I missed my opportunity. I start to wonder if I should shout out your name, maybe ask you to get coffee. But before my anxiety settles you've slipped out the glass door into the city streets. I wish I was brave. I wish I was confident. And I wish I still had hope that living a mediocre life was not my future.
