Sex, Voyeurism and Murder: Caskett Fan Fiction - DISCONTINUED

Chapter Two

The days that followed were some of the hardest for her. The boys had negotiated with Gates so she could get some time off, but that meant sitting in her apartment alone for hours on end with the event running through her mind over and over again, relentlessly plaguing her dreams.
As much as she hated that he was the one who did this to her, she also knew that he didn't have a choice in the matter and tried his hardest to make it as painless for her and protect her as much as possible. But because it was him, it made it that much worse. The person she loved so much had been the one who hurt her the most in ways that she couldn't describe.
She had contemplated calling him countless times but never could bring herself to do it. After three days of this, the ache in her chest and not seeing or hearing from him got to her and she picked up her phone and her keys and stormed out of her apartment. When she reached the sidewalk, she hailed a cab and gave him Castle's address. In the time it took for her to get there, she had gone though every possible scenario in her mind, but when she arrived at his curb, her heart pounded wildly in her chest and she felt like she was going to be sick. Paying the man, she got out and walked into his building, getting into the elevator and taking the painfully slow ride up to the penthouse.
When the doors finally dinged open, Kate all but jumped out and walked down the hallway till she reached his door. Anxiety filling her veins, she wrung her hands and shifted from foot to foot debating whether or not to knock. Summing up the courage, she raised a trembling fist and knocked on the hard wooden door. A few moments later, it opened to reveal a dishevelled and exhausted looking Castle. She took a few moments to take in the sight of him; mused hair, dark bags under his eyes, and his usually muscular frame looking thinner than usual.
In some weird way, it was comforting to her that he was suffering just as badly as she was from this.
"Castle." She breathed out.
"Kate." He murmured.
While Castle stood there, confused and shocked, Kate threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a firm embrace.
"I've missed you so much." She whispered, burying her face in his neck and breathing in him deeply, fisting his shirt tightly. It took him a few moments to register what had happened and wrap his arms around her, his hold steadily tightening as he realised that she was indeed there and holding him.
"You don't hate me?" He asked, still slightly dazed and confused. Pulling back slightly so she could look him in the face, her arms shifting down to hold him around his torso, she shook her head.
"As much as it was uncomfortable and degrading, it wasn't your fault." Castle breathed out a sigh of relief, his arms wrapping tighter around her waist. "I don't want to ever be separated from you again." She told him, moving back in and wrapping her arms around him, resting her cheek against his chest, smiling lightly as she felt his arms hold her firmly against him, feeling safe for the first time in so long. "I love you too and I get a say in when you walk away too." She told him, nuzzling against his chest.
"You love me?" He asked, his voice trembling with nerves as he anxiously waited for her reply, almost certain that he had misheard her.
"Yeah," She replied, pulling back just enough to look up into his deep cerulean eyes. "I love you." She smiled, her heart skipping a beat when she saw him give her a watery smile in return. Pulling her back against him, he dropped his lips to her head and placed a long kiss in her hair, tears dropping into the hastily tied back, tangled mess. Kate heard him sniff and felt him shake against her as he tried to keep his sobs quiet.
"I... I didn't hurt you, did I?" Castle asked with a wavering voice. Kate let out a sigh as she contemplated how to answer. In truth, he had hurt her a little because even though she had tried to force her body to relax, the thought of the perverted voyeuristic men watching them, and them being forced into having sex; and his rough thrusts, had hurt her physically. By the end of the week she knew that she would be fine and healed, but in telling him the truth, she wasn't sure the damage it would do to him.
"Castle..."
"I want you to tell me the truth, Kate." He told her firmly. "I can take it." He sniffed, standing up a bit straighter.
"Rick, I..."
"Please." He pleaded gently, his hand raising to cup her cheek, his fingers almost touching her skin, before he lowered his hand back down to his side. After that day, he didn't feel like he could ever have the right to touch her again. Let alone her let him touch her.
"Yes."
"Oh god!" He muttered, his eyes slipping closed as tears made their way down his face and dripped off his chin.
"I know you were trying to be gentle and that you were trying to get it over as quickly as possible, but the fact that we were being watched made my whole body tense and I just couldn't relax. I know you didn't mean to, but you were a little rough."
"Kate, I'm so..."
"Don't say it." She told him. "I can't stand that phrase." Untangling himself from her, Castle stepped back and put some much needed distance between them.
"Rick, I know you didn't mean it. I know you would never intentionally hurt me." She told him, taking a step towards him, only for him to take another step back and turn his back to her.
"You are one of the people I care most about in this world, Kate." He sobbed quietly, his shoulders shaking. "I can never forgive myself for hurting you." He murmured.
"Rick, look at me." She told him, walking around to stand in front of him. "Come on, look at me." She spoke softly, cupping his face and lifting it up from his chest to meet her eyes. Tears were still streaming out of his bloodshot and puffy eyes, and she wiped them away with her thumbs, feeling him lean into her touch. "I forgive you." She told him quietly. A few more tears escaped and she swiped them away, leaning in and pressing her forehead against his. "I forgive you, Rick." She told him.