The Dropout Detective - A Comedy Mystery

3. First steps towards suspects

Saturday 27th Jan 2018

I was understandably dejected over the lack of answers from the university office, which might go some way towards explaining the slight hint of extravagance in my subsequent supermarket visit.

What sort of extravagance, you ask? Let's say I returned to Shane's flat like a harvest goddess in full glory, arms overflowing with the finest fruits of the Sainsbury's ready-meals section.

Shane glanced up from his laptop. "Sophie, you brought dinner! Who's this?" he frowned at the man who staggered in behind me, arms loaded with plastic carrier bags.

"My devoted and humble disciple," I proclaimed. "Thanks mate, you can dump it there." I held out a twenty to the man who abandoned the bags where I pointed, grabbed the money and disappeared.

"Humble what?" Shane stared after him.

"That was the taxi driver, idiot. I had to bribe him to help me bring it all upstairs since you weren't answering your phone."

His cheeks turned red. "Oh. Sorry, I was chatting with Jade."

"Oh that's nice. Is she mimsy like the borogoves and the mome raths?"

There was a few seconds' pause before he looked up again. "What?"

You can see why I had to give up the attempt at conversation, Dear Diary. Far be it from me to place any obstacle in the way of such burgeoning love. After a silent microwaved lasagne that Shane gobbled down still glued to his Messenger page, our evening was claimed by the television and Shane's second love: Football.

I watched it with him, not entirely out of choice. Shane has never managed to succeed in passing on his love of the beautiful game to me (not for want of trying). But due to the fact that the couch was my bed, I was obliged to enjoy the match (and the post-match replays and the post-replay discussions) for as long as he did. As Shane reminded me, I'd be homeless without him, so beggars can't be sport-haters. Eventually I was saved by the return of Jade, who promptly assumed her rightful position at the top of Shane's list of priorities and dragged him off into the bedroom. I stuffed my ears with the cotton wool I'd stocked up during my shopping extravaganza. It didn't help much.

Weekend Plans: find new place to stay.

True to form, Jade made several (hundred) trips to the bathroom during the night. The last of them was early enough (or late enough) for me to justify dragging myself off the couch and fleeing the lovebird retreat in the hopes of finding a coffee shop that was already open (or still open). Or, as actually happened, a bakery whose staff took pity on me, allowing me to sit indoors while they carried on with the day's pastries. I'm currently assaulted by the achingly good smell of cornish pasties. I wish I'd thought to scarf a couple of those Sainsbury's sausage rolls before leaving. I bet Shane and Jade are feeding each other on them right now...

No, forget that. To work, Sophie! You're here to try and figure out this mystery.

So far I'm not doing very well in my detective work. If I had coloured pens, I'd draw a pie chart labelled "Things Sophie doesn't know". Actually, I'd only need one colour.

I just made myself giggle and now the bakery workers are eyeing me. They've been nervous since I made the mistake of asking whether they had any spinach & rhubarb pasties. I'll have to leave a big tip when I go. You'd think that losing my student status would have a favourable effect on my cafe bills but no.

Let's try again:

Things Sophie doesn't know:
- Why she was kicked out of uni
- Why her student record disappeared
- What to do next...