Finding Redemption!!! (Complete)

Chapter 5 Elena Raven Blue

I was in the shower getting the day of me. it was a hot bliss against my skin as the water penetrates my skin and releases the tension in my back from the long as ride and the visit to mums. it wasn't bad i mean i expected more from the boys like anger or something but they were shocked I mean i threw them for a loop i guess. sitting on the balcony with a whiskey in my hands yes i am aloud to drink i wasn't a alcoholic drinking is fine i just don't get drunk i have a few and i am fine. i hear a knock at the door and i put my glass down and move to open it and its acid.

"acid" i say as he barges his way in the room

"ell why" he says holding the letter"

"why" i ask unsure of the actual question

"i needed you ell" he says low and i walk over to him

"sorry" i ask he looks to me

"you been clean 7 years ell in that 7 i lost who u once knew ell gee" he says shaking in anger i walk over and hug him

"i needed to be ready trace. i needed to do this. i needed to be strong and this town was easy for me to forget what i was fighting for" i say using his birth name

"ell" he says pleading

"trace i mean what i wrote i loved you trace i always will i acted on my feeling when i shouldn't have and used your feeling's against you. i was being a first class bitch drugs or no drugs i wont forgive my self for that. i wont forgive my self that was a horrible thing to-do just for a another dirty needle. just for another high another bit of time to forget. i dreamed of the day i would tell you how i feel about you. i loved you then i told you to get what i wanted and that was a real mind fuck on you and me, i should have never done that i should have gone to rehab when you asked me to. then got better then told you how i felt then acted, not saying sex with you was terrible or a regret trace i am saying i wish i did it when we both had better motives. you used it to get me to rehab and i used it for more money we had the right feelings but we should never of had sex with those motives, i care way to much about you. hell i think my love for you got me through detox. i was hating my life and i would remember you telling me to get the ride you want you must fight for the right to have a ride. i remember every positive thing you tried to push into my mind trace. you helped me you all helped me in your own way. i was just not in the right place to acknowledge that but now im here fighting for the right to ride the ride i need and want" i say looking him straight in the eyes i need him to feel me but he removes my hands and walks out.

Next morning i woke and went for a run i felt energised today. even though acid made it clear i was nothing to him anymore i am actually okay. i mean sure he was and is the love of my life but what can i say to him to change his mind i used him in a away no one should use a friend or a lover. i am not here to find love or spark something that was there years ago. i came back for my Mumma who i am having breakfast with this morning. i run back to the inn i am staying at and have a shower and let the water wash away the rest of my demons. i change into my leather pants that have little ripples near the pockets and then a white shirt that's flowy and tight at the boobs. makes my puppy's pop. slither on a leather jacket and slip on my riding boots but my nice ones hair up so the wind don't tangle it and i grab my phone and keys and slip my laptop i the bike. i ride on out charging the back roads letting my baby feel the road as i feel her rumble. damn i love her. I arrive and i pull in slow to see the bikes are still here except acids a good thing but lets not get excited i can still be exiled. i climb of my ride and move forward to the front door. i hesitate long enough for kaiden to open the door shirtless and leaning on the door frame. i raise a eye brow as if to stay and?

"Elena" he acknowledges

"k" i say but i smile this is kaid's way he is my big brother who shows no emotion