My Venting Notebook

January 19th, 2020 - January 21st, 2020

8:33 AM

Good morning, sorry for not publishing yesterday, I was feeling sick which is absolute garbage. But I hope you all are having a nice morning sleeping in on this Sunday. Today I don't have much to vent about, but I could probably muster something up.

So yesterday, I confronted Auston and told him that he was a dick for using me for nudes and then I called him a man whore. He hasn't seen it which kinda sucks cause I want him to know that he's a man whore because he is, I know I'm not the only female he's done that too so, that was a dick move. He said we would be friends too which is what I wanted in the first place but he just wanted nudes.

So anyways I got to talk to Christian a little bit yesterday and that was nice. He's been busy a lot lately because of his new job and so getting to talk to him was nice.

But everything is so stressful lately. With grades and tests and classes and ACT's and everything else. All the stress makes me terribly sick and I've been feeling worse. My throat and stomach are killing me.

I still can't help but think about Alex and Andrew all the time, they had the hugest impact on my life, positively and negatively. I see Andrew kiss a Goddamn freshman everyday and I have to live with Alex picking another girl and dropping me completely. I feel like garbage entrusting them so much and then just treated like shit. Seriously, I mean, I gave a lot, I did so much, and I was literally just dropped like I'm nothing. Like I'm an absolute waste.

Also my self confidence hasn't been the best. I don't feel like I look good enough or I am good enough. I feel like I'm fat, that I'm stupid, that everyone uses me. I'm just trash to everyone and I don't mean anything.

I wish I was skinny, I wish I was pretty, I wish people liked me, I wish I was loved, I wish people wouldn't use me, etc etc.

I'll continue writing later..

January 21st, 2020

Sorry that I haven't talked in awhile, I have currently been infected with influenza. Recently (more like this morning), I got a notification that someone sent me something then unsent it, so I was going through to see who could've done it. Turns out, Auston blocked me after I ranted a bit on how it was a huge dick move to use me for nudes and to lie to me. It was 4 short messages and he didn't look at them for days, then I guess he finally saw them, said something, unsent it, then blocked me. But, that's okay really. I said what deserves to be said, although I held back some words.

Well, I'm going to cut this short because I need my rest, thank you all for reading.

Remember: you're beautiful 💖