this is our legacy now - kam (the legacies series 1)

9

so, said tam. the two elves were sitting on his bed, somewhat awkwardly.

biana thinks we're dating, keefe said suddenly. linh does too, i think. even elwin suspects.

but we're not, tam said. he sighed, looking at the ceiling & then back at keefe. are we?

i don't know, said keefe. i don't think there has to be a name for what we have. we can just be two elves who made a shitload of mistakes sitting on a bed that's too neat in a world that hates us.

tam closed his eyes, shadows wrapping around him like a blanket of darkness. everyone keeps telling me it's not my fault, that i couldn't help it. they say i had to go to the neverseen or the alicorns would die, that the ethertine was controlling my actions so i shouldn't be held accountable. but then that little fucking voice in the back of my mind always says, surely there was another way. i could have gotten everyone out safe from the troll hive without helping the neverseen. i could have fought. if my mind were strong enough. maybe i didn't have to put you in that fucking shadow coma. & then the guilt. but i almost broke last night, & i don't think it'll happen again.

keefe sighed, & he looked so damn small. your excuses are valid, tam. you can't do everything, & hindsight is an asshole. but i was just a reckless idiot. i joined the neverseen & gave up the cache & it was all for nothing. i thought i could spy on them? you would have to be a complete fool to believe my stupid excuses. & i knew what i was really doing. i'm an empath--i can't really lie to myself. he looked away, then back at tam so that their eyes met & the shadows shrank back. i just wanted to know how my mom could do what she did. how she could pretend to love me for all that time, how she could get me to spy on the vackers as the perfect disguise. yeah, she was always a bitch, but my dad was worse. & it was like, he just didn't give a shit. she didn't give two shits. but i thought maybe she gave one. he let out a short laugh. i feel like i'm trying to sound deep but my vocabulary just ruins it.

no, tam said, surprising even himself. keep talking, keefe. this isn't something you can keep bottled inside.

keefe exhaled. wow. um. i know this is totally irrelevant but i'm kind of craving an e.l. fudge right about now. he tapped his fingers rhythmically on tam's blankets. okay. i know. i'm avoiding it. but you know, looking back? i can just see the exact moment my life was ruined. fighting on mount everest, when her hood blew back & i saw that it was her. fuck. i thought i was messed up about thinking it was dad. but he seemed like at least he could be evil. knowing it was mom? it totally ruined me, i think. it's funny. i didn't even know you yet, tam, & already our relationship was doomed.

tam drew in a ragged breath, tugging on his bangs. his voice was low as he asked, what was your second worst moment?

when i found out i was my mom's little spy, keefe said, no hesitation. when i was a kid? i fucking loved the vackers, tam. they were my dream family. you wouldn't believe how jealous i was of fitz. i thought he had it all: the hot sister, the cool brother. but mostly i could see how he had these parents who loved him. yeah, alden & della definitely aren't perfect--naming fitz 'fitzroy' for one thing--but you can't sit here & tell me they don't give a shit about their kids. when they found out about alvar? that cut deep, & you could tell. when my dad found out about my mom, he was upset too, but it was for all the wrong reasons. & here i'm looking back on my childhood, & there's this one good thing, which is being friends with fitz & knowing the vackers. & it turns out i was reporting back to mommy fucking dearest. i was spying on my best friend for her, & i didn't even know it. i felt like shit when i found out. worse than shit. i felt like the flies that eat shit. that's how dirty i felt. he played with the tassels on tam's bedsheets, avoiding his eyes. what was your worst moment?

when i almost killed linh, tam said softly. i fucking. i can't express. you don't have a sibling, so i don't think you could ever know. but knowing she was in danger, & the danger was me? it was. i just. he gave a long exhale, sighing. the past sucks. we should talk about the future instead.

what about the future? keefe asked.

tam thought. what do you want, keefe? he asked. what do you want people to remember when they think of you?

keefe exhaled. well, i sure as hell don't want them to think of my mom's twisted legacy.

tam tried to think of another way to say it. but what if you could make your own legacy, different from the one she wants from you?

keefe paused. a month ago i might have wanted my legacy to be foster's boyfriend. but not anymore. now i guess i would want this to be my legacy. us, together, doing what we're doing right now. just, talking. because the remembering sucks, but maybe it's worth it to know someone can understand, at least sort of. & knowing you're here for me, & care what i have to say. yeah, i guess this is my legacy now.

no, keefe, tam said. he had never been as certain as he was of the words he was going to say. this is our legacy now.

& then he kissed him.

a/n: so i really like this chapter. it might be my favorite, actually. it was a lot of fun to write but also really sad. on another note, only one more chapter left! i'm also writing a bonus linhiana chapter that takes place after that part in 6 when linh leaves to find biana. i'm pretty jazzed about writing linhiana, the characters are sweet & a lot less depressed. biana is lit & i could spend a century on her character development, & linh's character is dreadfully underdeveloped and one-sided, so they both leave a lot to create.

if you like this story, i suggest you follow me, because i'm going to be posting announcements about the series & the next book (pretty sure you can guess the ship). as always, vote & comment. have a good day xx