owning the love of my life

chapter 13

Chapter 13
Three months later

Empty beach, its waves strongly erupting, the sun slowly setting and me, sitting by the bank, legs clutched in my arms and thoughts, gone with the wind. I let my soul and spirit wander off, only my body is in physical touch with the environment.

"Mommy!" A voice said behind me

I kept my face still, not wanting to look back, not until I figure if this is real or not. Kat!

"Go back, mommy"

What? I am confused.

"Go back!" She shouted and it resulted in an electric effect rippling in waves throughout my body.

I open my eyes slowly, Rebecca is in front of me, her eyes welled up. She pulls me into a tight hug. I figured it all out. This scene is way too familiar.

I sleepwalked again, only this time I wasn't trying to kill myself which is a good thing I guess. I hadn't seen Dr. Grace in a while so I'm guessing it's long overdue for our meeting. But can i actually travel back to see her, Knowing i might bump into Damon and I'd never want to let him go?

It's been months since the whole thing with Damon and every day has been a living nightmare. I am still trying to accept the truth, i am still in denial and hurting greatly. And just when i figured leaving the city would be soothing, i find out I'm pregnant again with his child. I moved nonetheless. Every night, i find myself internet surfing Damon and Megan. Her bump is yet to protrude, they're not married yet and i wonder what's keeping them. Not that their marriage would make me happy, it's just going to be a sad reminder of what our lives would have looked like.

The last time i saw him was when i went to the office to pick up my stuff after tendering my resignation letter. He was dressed in a cotton gray suit that hugged his body perfectly. He looked radiant and still does not remember me. Instead of silently praying for the elevator to quickly open so i can run away, i turned to face him and kiss him one last time. He didn't need to know why and just in time the door opened and i ran.

Everyday, i wonder if he tried looking for me? Has he remembered? Is he happy? But the internet answers my daily questions. Does that mean he doesn't even remember our childhood? does that mean he doesn't remember our past and present? I guess I'm such a stubborn weed that needed to be totally uprooted.

I've tried to move on and it's been a big failure.

Rebecca leads me to the living room...

"How are you feeling?"

"Alive" i joked

"And mary or Scott?" She dropped her gaze on my stomach.

"Fine i guess" 

"Want anything?"

"Just water"

"Be right back"

I scanned my still new apartment, imagining where to hang frames, where to repair and repaint. The place doesn't quite measure up to my previous apartment but what's to expect in a small town and besides that, I'm out of job coupled with the fact that I have life growing inside of me, i needed to spend wisely. I still have a lot in my bank but that doesn't mean i have to be irresponsible. I was done with that faze. Ok, maybe not entirely, seeing the fact that nobody except Rebecca knows I'm pregnant, not even my parents.

"I'm leaving next week" she announced, handing me a glass of water. Remembering made me sad all over again.
I am not trying to be selfish here-ok maybe a little, i just want her a little bit longer, until i familiarize myself with the new town but the truth is she has a life too and i understand. She took a month's leave from work to come take care of me and it is over.