Holding Hands With The Devil

Chapter four.

Mephistopheles Over Wittenberg (From Goethe's Faust) 1839 by Eugene Delacroix

"When you're in hell, only a devil can point the way out."- Joe Abercrombie

It was like we were walking for hours on end because it felt like neither of us dared to speak. I tried to think of something I could say or ask him. Anything. But nothing seemed worth breaking the silence for. I didn't even know if he wanted to speak to me, let alone answer me. Obviously I didn't do anything wrong but he still was tense, like I did do something wrong. He knew how to make people feel like everything that went wrong  on this planet was their fault and it made me furious. I kept getting more and more mad at him for no damn reason other than the things my mind told me to believe until I was as tense as him, which he noticed.

He shifted uncomfortable, not knowing what to do but to side eye me from time to time. I guess he never realized how his mood could affect other people until then but his stares kind of annoyed me. "Why do you keep staring at me?" I asked, avoiding his gaze. "Because you look like you're going to murder somebody any second and I unfortunately am the only person within a one mile distance. Not that I fear death or anything but I never imagined getting killed by a 17 year old girl, which I only know a few days, in a dark forest on a sunday evening. I don't even know why you're mad at me. I didn't have to save you from that asshole. I easily could've watched him strangle you to death." Yeah he could've. "Well why didn't you?" My tone got less harsh because I actually wanted to know. "What?" "Why didn't you let him strangle me to death?" I finally looked up into his eyes and the only thing I saw was confusion. Then his look changed like he was thinking really hard. He didn't know. He didn't know why he beat that man away from me. "Just because I don't like seeing men hit, strangle or bother women against their will. And you frankly didn't look like you had fun. That's it, nothing special." Now he was the one to stare at the ground beneath us. I could feel there was more. There had to be because he acted strange the rest of the way home. He didn't look at me, nor did he talk or touch me in any possible way, shape, or form. After another 10 minutes we arrived at the foster home and I fiddled my keyes out of my pocket. As soon as I opend the door Blake went in and ran up the stairs probably heading into his room. Weird.

I tried to be as quit as possible while sneaking into my room because the other girls were fast asleep and I didn't want to wake them, especially not Avery. I couldn't handle any questions right now since I was really tired and just over all didn't want to. Luckily I was quiet enough and I drivted into the land of dreams in no time but I didn't sleep well. I woke up approximitely 7000 times because I was either too hot, too cold or I had to pee. After I finally got a few hours of sleep I woke up sick. My throat hurt, my eyes were heavy, I had to cough every five seconds and my body hurt. I was miserable but Ave was very sweet. As soon as she woke up, she almost immediately noticed that I didn't feel good and proceeded to bring me a hot tea and some breakfast which I was so thankful for. I couldn't see me getting out of bed that day so she helped me with everything she could. I sat myseld up after she came in with a tablet in her hands which held a mug and some pancakes but she suddenly stopped in her tracks and stared at me in shock, almost letting my breakfast fall to the floor. "Did you see a ghost? What's wrong?" I croaked, every word hurting me even more. "What-.. What happend to your throat?" What did she mean? I brought my hands up to said throat and didn't feel anything. Then I looked at my locked, black phonescreen and all the air left my lungs. The skin under my face was littered with handshaped bruises. Well fuck, I didn't plan on telling her about last night but now I had to. "Uhm, so I was at work last night as you know and then there was a man and Blake was there an-.." "I'm going to kill him!" She interrupted me, placing the food on my bed, ready to storm out. "No wait!" I stopped her. "Blake helped me. The guy didn't want to let me go and strangled me and Blake punshed him away from me. Please don't tell anyone, I don't want them to know." I said as I got up to put a scarf around my neck so nobody could see the bruises. "He helped you? Why? And did he tell you why he was there? I mean, yeah it kind of is my fault because I told him but I really didn't think that he would be going there. But now I'm lucky I did and that he went because who knows what that psychopath would've done to you!" She was talking too much again. "I don't know why. I don't know anything to be honest. My throat hurts really bad and I could use some alone-time and some more sleep if that's okay with you?" I put my sweetest smile on in hopes of her leaving me alone. "Sure. Are you really fine though? Please don't be afraid to call me if anything's wrong. I'm over at James's alright?" I was so happy to get to call her my friend. "I am and will do. Thank you so much for being there for me. Always." I smirked. "Always." She left the room and I could finally take a sip from my cup of tea. I checked my phone to find a few missed calls and text messages from Wendy.

"Bella, are you fine?"

"I'm so sorry! I heard what happend. This guy will never be allowed here ever again, I promise!"

"I can really understand if you want to stay home for a few days. I called Linda and she's gonna jump in. Take your time to get better sweet girl. Miss you already!"

I wasn't used to people caring for me so I didn't exactly know how to respond. I just sent her a quick message telling her that I was fine and thanking her for the few days off. I could really need a break. The rest of the day was pretty lame. I didn't do much other that reading a book and sleeping a few hours after waking back up. When I looked at the clock the next time it was three in the morning and I was starting to get thirsty so I decided to go down to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water since nobody was going to be awake at 3 fucking am. I pulled my scarf closer and left my bedroom. As I expected no one was there so I stood there all alone with my back facing the door, pouring some water into my glass. I took a sip and was ready to go back to bed so I turned around and almost wet myself because there was someone standing in the doorway but as he or she stepped forward into the moonlight, that was shining trough the window, it was Blake. "Fuck you scared me. Don't you ever do that again!" I hissed. "Why are you wearing a scarf?" He was not amused. "Uhm, because I'm sick." I said while fake-coughing, trying to get out of the kitchen but his foot held me back. "Liar." He replied. I couldn't believe he had the audacity. "What?" "You're lying." He said calmly. "No. I'm not." Annoying ass. I didn't want to talk to him so I tried getting past him again but he was faster and ripped my scarf off, revealing my bruises. He looked..shocked. I just stood there, unsure if I should just go or not.

He then brought his hands up around my neck, tracing along the handprints almost as if he was in some kind of a trance and I let him. His touch soothed me and while he studied the blue marks, I studied his face. God he was beautiful and I couldn't stress this enough. He was perfect. Neither of us seemed to care what we were doing, I could spent hours just looking at him. I never had such a feeling about a boy and it scared me. I didn't want to like his touch. I didn't want to find him attractive and interesting but frankly, I did. "Fuck." He mumbled after some time had passed. "I'm fine." I replied with a small smile on my face, slowly stepping back. My heart didn't want him to stop touching me but my head did. His hands sunk down and his mouth was still a bit open. The moonlight made him look even better. I walked past him and couldn't help stopping right beside him. My hand wandered up to his face, almost like I didn't have any control over it, stroking his cheek down to his mouth and closing it. I let it rest there for a second and he let me too before I fully walked past him with my glass of water, heading back up. I turned around one last time and saw him still standing there with my scarf in his hand. As I went back to bed I rethought what just happend and couldn't wrap my head around it. His skin was so soft underneath my fingers and he almost looked like he enjoyed my touch like I did his.

That had to stop. I had to make myself clear that I didn't know him. I didn't know where he came from, what he did or why he was here. Nor did I know if he even liked women, if he liked me. He didn't know me as well. Maybe I wasn't even his type. I couldn't be. He was so pretty and I was.. just not. But maybe he was worth getting to know? He was so interesting and closed up. I liked that because I was the same way.

That night I made the decision to find out who Blake was. I wanted to know more about him. I had the urge to get to know him weather he wanted that or not. I had to.

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Don't we all need a Blake in our life? Someone who is worth fighting for? Someone that's so interesting, you even dream about? I think we do. Love, x. Raya